Like a Duck

I was driving home yesterday, heading home to more work and ready to celebrate a friend and her promotion.  I have been feeling like a duck these days.  Wildly paddling my feet, and pretending I'm not exhausted.  I have been trying to feel serene and exude the confidence I'm trying to cultivate.  The happy news (?) is I think I'm fooling most people.  I'm at least making it look easy to do what I'm doing, even though I go home every night tired.

Most of my life has been working so hard behind the scenes and just trying to make it look easy.  I've been fortunate that my hard work has paid off throughout the years, quick and easy, like a Gold Rush that goes my way.  Now I'm in the long slog where I am just not sure anymore.  I'm not sure if I'm just madly paddling in a circle, waiting for someone to notice. 

To be frank, it's not feeling fun right now.  It's not fun anymore to push hard and to just keep going.  I'm not sure if it's worth it to be driving myself crazy for the future, the future I'm assuming where life will be bright and my goals will be achieved.  In my low moments it feels like other people are moving forward and accomplishing things, and it doesn't even seem like they are keeping up the frantic pace.   

Sometimes being a duck is just freaking overrated.