TBH

My body still aches everywhere, and I am just assuming it's because it is still trying to figure out what time zone I'm in.  I realized that I will be sleeping in my own bed for the first time all year tomorrow.  I am slightly terrified about moving back down to Provo, so I am quietly contemplating just living with my parents forever.  Hey Mom and Dad, I would be a great houseguest, right? 

I told my sister that I feel like I have been on a boat for the past few months.  I remember my 22nd birthday was actually kind of exhausting because everything seemed to be changing and different.  Moving out, leaving for Spain, ending college--it all seemed too much.  Ever since then, everything has had a sense of temporariness which is tiring, but also comforting.  Nothing is permanent, nothing has to stay the same, if it's bad, it will soon be over, if it's good, it's enough to survive on. 

I didn't know if I wanted Spain in my life, and now I am shockingly sentimental and searching for small memories and reminders.  I was positive I wanted Uganda in my life, and now I look at pictures, still a little surprised that I survived.  I knew I wanted a European trip to happen, and I am still really tired, but very happy. 

Someone asked me what I've been up to, and I didn't even know how to answer.  That is a little discombobulating, but also soothing.  Permanence can hurt and seem like a tidal wave.  I don't necessarily advocate for constant change, but when you are feeling very uncomfortable with your identity, it is a really great way to numb your panic. 

Part of me wants to live free and open, without chocolate chip cookies or social media to protect me.  The other part of me wants to just. keep. running. 

A really wise and mature part of me knows that the not starting is actually much scarier than just starting.  A job, an apartment, a social life will all anchor me, but right now it feels like it will drown me (oohhh dramatic metaphors?  I like it). 

All this to say, I'M FREAKING OUT. 

How is your Tuesday evening going?

xo. Elise

Good Idea

Our visit to Versailles consisted of me hating my outfit that day.  I had been wearing a gray t-shirt to bed the past few days, you know, just a gray v-neck.  I (who knows where I got this logic) decided it would be ok to wear it as a normal shirt.  That's what it was, right?  Anyway, that was not a good idea because the rest of the day I felt frumpy.  Imagine that.

Today was one of those trying outfits days.  I don't want to sound completely shallow, but really, it was rough.  I woke up feeling homesick, generally exhausted, and I had a headache.  The outfit dilemma just made it worse, and here I am, already on campus, feeling like I'm wearing my pajama shirt again.

Sigh.  Not a good idea.

Cheers to Thursdays and the fact that the week is almost over.

If you want happy news about that fateful pajama day in Versailles, these pictures are actually some of my favorites from the whole trip.  Looking back, I realized that my raincoat did a great job of covering up the shirt, the bike ride couldn't have been more perfect, and my hair was decent.  I am so blessed to have experienced royalty with that family of mine.

xo. Elise

Rabbit

I actually think about this particular run a lot when I'm running.  It was our last day in London, we were heading by train to Paris that night.

Pause.

Reread that last sentence and contain your squeals of excitement that that really was my real life and that it actually happened.

Play.

Anyway, I had just received some horrific news that a classmate of mine, and one my debate team members, had passed away in a car accident.  I went running with my dad through Kensington Park.  Not going to lie, on the way out, I definitely stopped and walked and said go ahead.  I wasn't feeling that great.  But on our run, I told all of my worries to my dad.  One of these years, my parents aren't going to be there for me.  Eventually everyone I know is going to die, including myself.  What is the point if we are all going to die?  This unexpected death really shook me up.  My dad consoled me, handed me a tissue, and reminded me that I will always have someone there for me.  It was going to be ok.

On the way back to our hotel, I perked up a bit.  I started running faster, when we saw another lady running ahead of us.  My dad said, "I believe you've got a rabbit."

For those unfamiliar with the term, in running, a rabbit means a pace-setter.  In large professional races, rabbits are assigned to a certain pace to make sure the elites don't start out too fast and ruin their race.  In the Ragnar relay, it means someone running ahead of you.  In my case, it meant someone I wanted to catch.

I picked up my pace, and we did catch up to her and pass her.  I turned to my dad and said, "I believe that's what you call a kill."  (A kill just means that you passed someone. Don't panic).

About a mile from our hotel, I started running even faster through the streets of London.  I ran fast, and far, and free.  I passed my dad (or almost passed him, which definitely counts in my book), cheekily turned to him and puffed out, "I believe that's what you call a kill."

I went on a run today (first, just proud I got up and got out of bed because that has been hard all week).  I was running up the last little hill, probably a quarter of a mile, when I saw someone ahead of me.

And I heard the echo, "I believe that's what you call a rabbit."

So I caught up, and it became a kill.

xo. Elise

A Year Ago Today.

A year ago today I woke up completely stressed out.  I mean, over the moon, wanting to sob, feeling panicky stressed out.

For several reasons.
1. This was the day I was leaving to go to Europe for 17 days.
2. Without my parents.
3. I was also flying by myself for the first time.
4. I wouldn't see my sister until August.
5. 17 days is a really long time.
6.  That's about it.

But, I managed everything.  I flew by myself, met up with my aunts, uncle, cousin, + cousin's friend just fine.  And then I was off to Europe for 17 days.  What???

Anyway, I learned a lot on that trip.  I learned that I was a capable traveler and I would be ok.  I learned how absolutely amazing the world is.  Seriously, could it be any better?  I fell in love with food all over again.  I drank in the culture and obsessed over the sights to see.

I don't want to get to poetic or annoying.  (You know, one of those people that define themselves simply by the fact they went to Europe.)  But, I do want to commemorate. June 17th is a pretty good day to remember.

xo. Elise

Ghosts of Airport Trips

I am got to the airport at 5:45 this morning.  I got up at 4:30.  Haven't had a whole lot of sleep, but airports will forever be filled with trips past.  I'm in the Phoenix Airport, and I can see my cousin walking down the terminal, laughing and giddy about going to Europe.  I see my family eating a quick meal at Paradise Bakery before we go through security.  I see those private school boys that were at the airport last week and how some were cute and some weren't.  I eat my Starbucks oatmeal and think of how the Scottsdale and Tucson sun beat me down on me and I felt so peaceful.  I drink my juice and think of my trip to New York last year, and Arizona 2 years ago.

I've traveled so much, that these trips blend together and I can't seem to separate person to person or trip to trip.  It makes me happy that in the midst of people and numbers and fluorescent lights and plastic, I will always see familiar people.  I will remember the fun memories and I will always recognize people here.

xo. Elise

Currently tanning.

I am currently soaking up the sun in Arizona.  I am ok with this. (truth be told, I am in a campus library because it's freezing outside at night.)  But that sun!  I've already forgotten what it feels like to have the sun on me.

Here I am on a little school trip.  I am feeling slightly guilty because my family is still up north where we could all open up snow cone shacks with the snow that's on our porch alone.  I do miss them.

In other news, here are some pictures of Europe that I have gotten around to posting.  Traveling is something I love, and something I'm lucky to have done so much of.

This world is beautiful.

xo. Currently Tanning

P.S. I don't receive any photo creed, but rather my aunt!

Miss Frump

Today was a day I felt frumpy for no reason.  Literally, no reason!  How frustrating...my hair was curled.  I wore my favorite pair of jeans and a pair of my favorite shoes.  A classic cute necklace was around my neck...and yet.

That is always annoying?  If you aren't going to feel cute...at least not feel cute for a reason!

On a much loftier note, I've been thinking about service lately...and about family members and friends and acquaintances I don't know all that well who are struggling.  And I pray with all of my heart.  Just pray for them.  And hope.  Sometimes that is all it seems you can do, huh?  But I'm trying.  Trying to incorporate things to make it better for them.

Isn't it funny how much power we wield but how little it seems we can apply?  We have so much power.  We are such amazing creatures.  And we have so much going for us.  And we have so much potential.

I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate my potential into my life.  I really want to get rid of all of the stuff I don't want in my life.  Sometimes I am so full of motivation it's incredible.

And other days?  It's kind of like today...

 My first outfit post.  In Germany.  Top that.

Can someone get me a hat to hide behind today?  Or at least a trip to Germany?  I'd be down with either of those...please! 

xo. Elise 

And I'm off!

Tomorrow I leave for Europe!  I am so excited and so terrified at exactly the same time.  I'm sure I will come back full of good chocolate and good stories!  I cannot wait for everything that I will get to experience.

I will try to keep you updated. :)

xo. Elise

Hi again!

I just had a week of absolute nothingness.  I mean it, I did hardly anything.  Do you know how weird that is for me?  It kind of has thrown me off.  Made me rethink what I'm doing and how I'm feeling.  Summer is pretty great isn't?  The sun is warm.  The grass is soft.  Slushies every day are expected.  Not a bad life eh?


But hey!  I am going camping next week, that will be fun!  And then after that I will be leaving for Europe.  I will keep you updated about packing tips, fun sites, chocolate, and...anything else I think is important.

So...ummm.  Yes, a point I want to make.  I want to remember in my life to enjoy the still, calm moments.  Enjoy the time when you don't have to do anything, or when everything is taking a deep breath.  Because those are the moments that count in the long run.  So lean back, sip your slushy and enjoy.

Adventure is Out There.

I got a hat.

The good news.  It won't be a mistake...."like most hats are."  I feel kind of like Crocodile Dundy.  Or like all of the other hip bloggers.  And a little ready for Europe.  Eek!

And a dream comes true...

On a more positive note...

I am going to Europe this summer!  Yes, you heard right. Europe.  I am going with one of my favorite cousins.  I am going during the best week in the summer of all time that I could go.  I am leaving this place, and I don't have to worry.  I will eat gelato, go shopping, and feel vaguely like all of the characters in the stories of Europe I have ever heard.

If that doesn't make you smile a little tiny bit inside.

(Lovely photo by my very own sister.  Let's pretend this is me, yes?)

(I can see Anne's irritation already. :) ha).

xo. Elise