grateful.

1. Tomatillo salsa
2. Cute, new blouses
3. Good playlists
4. Planned adventures
5.  Facetimeing my parents on porch swings
6. The Fast & the Furious franchise
7. The Good Witch season 4!!!!
8. Old Lucid t-shirts
9. Space party planning
10.  Making pico de gallo like it's my job
11. New moon hair clip
12. Catered lunch tomorrow
13. unexpectedly good conversations
14. Great Mexican food
15. My mattress heating pad (yep, still using it in June)
16.  SMT and all of the royal engagements lately
17.  At least being reminded to give away my Legos
18. Taking a practice GRE test
19.  Cleaning the kitchen
20. Great writing

Good Time

I was talking with my parents yesterday, and it was kind of funny because we were in this casual restaurant, where waiters were swirling, pizza was being delivered, and Diet Coke was being sipped, yet throughout it all we were talking.  About deep things about funny things about everything.  I drove home that night feeling alive.  It was a feeling I wish I could bottle up and keep forever.  I felt so in love with every aspect of my life, and mostly in love with my people. 

We talked about how I was in fourth grade and first went to my mom and essentially asked about the whole church thing.  Was it true?  Why was I going to church?  I will forever be grateful for the faith of my parents, and the fact that they didn't shove it down my throat.  They simply reiterated the promise--ask and ye shall receive.  They encouraged me to ask.  They gave me the freedom to fight for my testimony.  I am so very proud of my testimony today.  I am proud of the time I have put into it.  I am proud of who I have become, mostly because I know where it started.  I hope in 20 years, when my daughter comes in and asks about the whole church thing, that I have enough faith to say, "Ask!  God delivers every time.  Not usually in the timing or the way we want, but He answers." 

I realized today that I have always felt guilty for asking God for anything.  There seemed to be a golden ratio about gratitude and asking for things, and I never felt like I knew what it was.  I realized that paradigm is kind of a crappy way to view prayer, and it definitely isn't how I should view communicating with my Father.

I think of it like Heavenly Father is just so giddy to talk with us.  I picture Him just waiting for me to talk to Him, to listen, and just be.  I am sure that listening to us is one of the highlights of being God. I decided that I am done measuring my prayers against an invisible standard I created.  I can ask, ask, ask Heavenly Father for anything and everything.  Being grateful and showing gratitude is so important, but there isn't some invisible scorecard. 

In any case, what a rocking weekend with good food and good spiritual insights.  Cheers to this week!

xo. Elise

Happy, Free, Confused Lessons

Before I get nostalgic for 2017 and my 21st year (that's tomorrow, so get excited), I wanted to write 10 more lessons that I learned being a 21 year old.  My first ten lessons were written when I felt like I was finally coming back into myself.  And I am really grateful to feel like this year ended on a high note.  That is actually really special.  So, 10 more lessons I learned being a 21 year old. 

1.  I am big into traditions, and a couple of weeks ago I realized I didn't do half of my 'traditions'.  I didn't get pumpkin waffles at Waffle Love, I didn't make banana bread on the first snowfall.  I didn't eat my pomegranate yogurt on the last day of class.  (Um, all of my traditions have to do with food?).  I didn't hike the Y or have a General Conference breakfast party.  All of these things I used to do, and I just didn't this year.  But I made a lot of new traditions, like going to Cafe Rio or getting Costco hot dogs.  I guess I learned that new definitions of yourself are important.  And it was a good reminder to me to be a little bit more flexible in what could be considered fun.
2.  I learned God is there.  I sometimes feel like my testimony is constantly on this cycle of figuring this out, but this year I hit a new low.  And I am not sure I can convey the state of emergency that I felt I was in.  There are a couple days in particular, that I felt like I was at the edge.  Part of me was screaming, look, I am in so much pain that I don't need to believe in a God who isn't there.  When I write that, it seems dramatic and bizarre.  But I love this story because God is there.  He. Is. There.  I am not always sure why or how or where or any of that, but I do know He is there.  And I am so grateful for that.
3.  I learned that answers to prayers, no, not prayers, that's not right.  I learned that God's plan is really revealed one step at a time and that He can truly change our hearts.  I have seen a change in my life, over this past semester and over this past year.  And I am grateful for it.  Because sometimes you think you are going to be stuck, tired and unsatisfied forever.  But God is a God of change, that's what the Atonement and the Plan of Happiness is all about.
4. I realized that I am a really good friend.  And a good celebrator.  Honestly, this can be a hard thing, a lesson I learned this year.  I have felt abandoned and left by people I had given my deepest trust.  But I am also proud how I continue to celebrate people and continue to invest in those around me.  My mom told me that I take after my Grandma--she was a big celebrator.  And honestly?  I will gladly carry that legacy, even if it is sometimes hurtful.  And it makes me happy to continue to try to be like Christ and be a good friend.  I think it is a worthy cause. 
5. I realized that I am not super great at working in group projects.  I always thought I was good at it?  But I'm really not.  And we are all relieved that I am done with this semester (with 4 group projects!).  It was a good lesson though, and something I need to be aware of heading into my career. 
6.  God gives us what we pray for and sincerely hope for.  He isn't petty, even though I sometimes try to figure out His plan through my petty and insecure head.  It is worth hanging up the boxing gloves when dealing with Heavenly Father because He really knows what He is doing.
7.  I really like learning, and I'm really happy I had such a positive experience at BYU.  This is an important trait for me to learn because I need to be conscious of it going forward.  I realized that even if work is incredibly boring, I can still learn from it.  That is helpful to remember.
8.  I learned it is incredibly rewarding to make decisions based on what is best for Elise.  I am such an outsourcer and a researcher and an opinion-asker.  This is helpful when buying shoes?  But for my life decisions?  I can make my own decisions, and I can do it confidently.  For me, this has meant planning a trip, saying no to a relationship, choosing a study abroad, and accepting a full-time job offer.  All of these decisions have caused a lot of stress and worry, but I am proud of the life I am creating. 
9. I realized I have enough grit to crawl out of some pretty terrible months.  I realized I have it in me to be happy again, and that is pretty cool to me.  Being happy takes so much work, but I am proud of myself for working towards it, purposefully and often.
10.  This world is beautiful and it is full of so much.  New York City, Prince Edward Island, St. George, Palm Springs, Washington D.C., even West Chester.  All of these places are out there full of good food and sunshine and that is just beautiful to me.  It's out there to see, with different sunsets and late nights and weird smells and traffic and I love it. 
10.5  I keep learning this, but good people keep coming, and some really great people, stay for the whole thing.  I feel so in debt to the people who stuck with me, even though I was struggling.  And I am so grateful to the people who let me in, even though I was still a little fragile and wildly unsure.  And I just think that's beautiful too.  Good people. 

xo. Elise

20 Going on 21

I just had the realization that I am living out my last day as a 20 year old.  I'm just confused on how I got to this point.  21 was the age...well the age of everything.  It was officially the old age when I was younger.   But for being a 21 year old?  I'm just feeling overwhelmingly grateful for these chances, opportunities, and experiences.

Some memories from being 20:
- Mocktail party, snow-shoeing, J-Dawgs, Street 180 tacos, and a date all in one weekend.
- Valentine's Weekend with Anne
- Falling in the lake at the ward party
- Making salsa and guacamole often
- Getting shakes and jamming out to country music, only to head home and hear a date recap
- Talking about being a squad all night and watching Inception at midnight
- Playing hot sauce baseball in the kitchen
- Being asked to make lasagna and talking with friends for hours
- Going to Mooyah's on the hard days (spontaneous!)
- 8 a.m. classes everyday--> Econ with Laura!
- Starting another internship at Lucid Software
- Hour-long commute, holla (but not really because that's rough)
- Work retreat at Zion's--> hiking Angel's Landing, paint-balling, skeet shooting, zip-lining, jeep rides
- Running the Ogden Half Marathon with my sister and dad
- Finishing the prerequisites + applying for the strategy program
- Playing volleyball with 11 boys in the rain
- Having people come to my parent's house for the weekend
- Being a peer mentor, not being a peer mentor, working part-time for Lucid
- Having an apartment troubadour, BWW's, movie night every night (with cookies)
-Bon Voyage party with Los Hermanos + a doctor's appointment beforehand
- Traveling the world--> 11 countries, 3 continents, a lot of flights in 40 days.
-Finland: strawberries, blueberry ice cream, salted black licorice, temple trip, island sunshine
-England: London tour guide, Oxford debate, bad sunburn
-Czech Republic: Strategy program interview, turtlenecks, paddle-boating
-Austria: mountains, running, Eagle's nest, salt mine
-Germany: rain, rain, rain, Munich, BMW factory, closed heel shoes, best breakfasts
-Switzerland: Geneva, Nestle, expensive ice cream, temple, pizza, mountains, hills, acceptance!
-Italy: gelato (too much, yet not enough), pizza, Lake Como, so hot, difficult conversations
-South Africa: chilly, temple, Mandela, dancing kids, safari, buffets (custard alllll day)
-India: playing with kids in Mumbai, Taj Mahal, curry, curry, curry, Old Dehli, saris
- Thailand: Pad Thai, large Buddhas, new dresses, favorite necklace, riding elephants
-China: Great Wall (in jeans!), Beijing Times Square, Tiananmen Square, best eggplant of my life
- Hiking Timp--> harder than expected
- Outdoor concert with Mom and Dad
- First semester in the strategy program (holla)
- Recruiting with McKinsey/first interview with Bain
- 2 half marathons in one month --> Pink Series and Haunted Half
- Monthly dinners and weekly lunches with study abroad friends
- Semi-annual General Conference breakfasts
-Surprise party for Shay // Blacksheep Cafe for Alesha's birthday
- Visiting Alesha in the Y-Serve office, listening to Laura's life
- Visits from friends on long homework nights
- Late nights in the Tanner (soooo long)
- Thanksgiving in Arizona // Friendsgiving x2
- Flying out for an interview (13th night alone in a hotel in PA)
- Driving to the temple, going there every week
- Breakfast sandwiches disappointments
- Seeing all of my high school friends again --> weekend in Provo!
- Bringing a 'Make it Rain' poster to intramural games
- Discovering 'Salted Caramel Pretzel Twist' at the Creamery <-- Best flavor ever
- Shopping in Park City with roommates // Anne
- Case competitions (up all nighttttttt)

I've always liked this picture of me, right outside Mother Theresa's orphanage.  It's a good life, and I am one dang lucky (almost) 21 year old.  

11 Countries and 3 Continents

I've had days where my shirt is from India, my earrings are from England, my necklace is from Thailand, my bracelet is from South Africa, my toothpaste is from Switzerland, my purse is from China, my deodorant is from the Dubai airport, and my heart is somewhere in Italy.

I am feeling strangely sentimental about my chipped manicure and the fact that my toothpaste is almost gone.  I finally figured out how to have a cool slide show on my screen saver to have my trip pictures up.  A plane ticket to Switzerland would cost about a semester's worth of tuition.  I still am not sure how to handle the smell of curry.  Sometimes I still feel weird about drinking out of the tap.  I haven't gotten used to wearing something other than my Nikes and three shirts.  My hair has actually been done for the past month.  I still drink Diet Coke more than ever before.  Chocolate just doesn't do it for me, unless it's Milka Oreo.  I still forget that the Czech Republic was a thing.

I do my best not to really talk about it, but I think people would be surprised at how often my brain isn't actually in America.

I guess this is all to say that I really want to tell people about my sunburn in Bath.  The way the elephant's hairs were prickly.  I want to talk about the 'turtlenecks' in Prague.  I want to break my gelato record. I wouldn't mind giving Italian pizza another shot.  I want to wander the grocery store aisles, trying to figure out just what I was buying.  I would be ok having another Jr. Whopper at 2 am flying to India.  I wouldn't mind eating at a South African buffet where the strawberry cheesecake was great and there was a zebra out the window.  I want to ride a gondola up to a hike with a view that was incredible.  I want to sit at a Mountain Hostel and watch the sun set, making the mountains pink.  I want to be an honesty shopper.  I want to eat that gnocchi that was life-changing and only $6.  I want to walk the streets of Mumbai and sign my autograph on the hands that just kept coming.  I want to see the Taj, say hi to my old friend.  I want to sit and take another selfie at the Temple of Heaven, not wearing my sunglasses.  I want to go back and ride the camel in India, a chance I missed out on.  I want to take more pictures of the Great Wall of China...and maybe not wear pants this time around.

And since it has been a month, part of me thinks.  Yep, Elise, you should move on.  Embrace the office job and the schoolwork.  When I put it like that, I can't really blame myself for wanting to run away.

So expect a lot of written stories and pictures in the future.  Because as Meg said constantly on the trip, "I'm still not over it."

Hard things.

Tomorrow is officialy the first day of finals.  And my first final is a religion final, which kind of stinks because I keep thinking, yeah cool, I've been a member of the Church my whole life.  I got this.  

My good grade in the class is also poor incentive to work hard.  

And yet today was a day that made me want to hyperventilate because of finals and stress and everything like that.  

I was walking home yesterday, and I wanted to cry out of relief.  I have made it through this semester.  I have a hard few days ahead, and I'm already exhausted, but I've made it.  And for that I am so grateful.  I DID THIS HARD THING, LOOK! 

This sophomore year man, it kicked my rear end.  And I am just so grateful that it's almost done.  Not with my roommates or the people in my life.  Or my apartment.  Or even my job.  But I'm grateful that the hard part is done.  I'm not sure how much longer I could have carried this weight.  I'm just grateful it's slowly being lifted as I continue to check things off of my list.  

I went to the temple today, it's been too long.  And I felt myself giving myself to God.  It's such a small thing.  And it's not a big deal, but I think that's part of it.  I can't give a lot, but today it felt like enough.  

So yes, I should be studying for a final.  Or at least getting some sleep.  But nay, instead I'm writing on my blog and procrastinating.  Like I always do around finals week.  Stay tuned for the most updated week of yo' life.  

xo. Elise 

Bowl of Ice Cream

Wow, I didn't realize it has almost been a month since I wrote on here.  Sorry about that.

If you go back in the archives about a year ago...February 25th, to be exact, I had a big long post about how I was feeling lonely.  I was feeling sad.  And I was wondering about my purpose in life.  And it was hard, man.  Dang, winter semester of 2015 was all sorts of weird.  There were a lot of really really really good moments.  I made some of my closest friends, Anne had a great semester, I learned a lot...ya know, all that good stuff.  But combined with that, was a whole lot of hard stuff.  And I remember praying, seeking for some guidance.  Looking for anything.  And I got the distinct impression that I just need to hold tight, I would soon feel like my body and soul were connected again.

Well folks, that time has arrived.  I kind of love that I can still look back a year ago and feel like that prayer was finally answered.  I love that I could look back three months ago and feel like that prayer was answered.  I love that God will continually answer that prayer.  And most of all, I'm really really grateful for this feeling right now, this week.

Wednesday night, I came back from campus at midnight.  I was exhausted and elated.  I was excited and nervous.  Then I checked my math test score and I was just happy.  It was one of those moments when you feel like the most blessed person in the entire world.  The whole world guys.  I couldn't really sleep that night and was up until two in the morning (0/10 recommend that experience).

And on the real, I woke up grinning.

That day, I had a presentation to a group of company executives, a luncheon with the said executives in which my resume was sent to them, and a miracle of a math grade.

Could life get any better?  Naaaaayyyy.

I don't know how long I will just be happy.  I don't know how long it will last that I really like my hair and my outfits are semi on point.  I don't know how long I will get excited for absolutely no reason.  I'm not sure how long this perfect positivity will last.

But I don't even care because this moment is so good.  It's soo good.  I feel like I'm eating a bowl of ice cream.  And I'm not even halfway done with the bowl.  That, my friends, is a good feeling.

xo. Elise

Maniac Monday

Today started out with me finding a hole in my favorite pair of pants.  Which is awkward because I wore them all weekend, and I'm not entirely sure when it popped up.  We had cleaning checks today so I was feeling judged for my lifestyle, but whatever.  I was rushing downstairs to throw my lunch in my backpack.  I made cookies yesterday and wanted to sneak one for breakfast (to go with my yogurt.  I haven't had only cookies for breakfast...yet), but could not for the life of me find my container.  Shrugging my shoulders, I headed to class.  I missed the light, ate my yogurt with a fork, and am not wearing my favorite pants (see above).  

I was sitting in my first class learning about marginal physical product production when it dawns on me that I put a tupperware in my backpack this morning.  Even though my sandwich was in a ziplock bag.  Yep, I brought the whole container of cookies with me to campus.  #awesome.  

In my next class, the kid next to me says he likes my black-and-white polka dot sweater.  He explained it's like the opposite of a dalmatian.   Which led to me taking selfies in the bathroom.  

All this to say that yes, my morning is going great, thanks for asking.  

Have a great Monday folks.  

xo. Elise 

Last Day of Teenagedom

Today is my last day as a teenager.  I don't think 13 year old Elise would have ever imagined this would be a thing.   20!  Does that seem ridiculously old to anyone else?  I can't quite wrap my mind around it.  Being 19 was a good year for me.  I feel like it was a year of preparation.  I could feel myself transitioning from being a teenager to being an adult.  In some ways that was really great.  I'm on that edge of being so excited to no longer be young and wishing I could stay the youngest forever.
Some cool things that happened during 2015: (side note: I absolutely love how my birthday and the new year are so close together.  I love it).

I had my first job this year, and I get a certain level of satisfaction every time I spend or save my own money.  Every time I pay rent, it's a little annoying because money is leaving, but there is something so satisfying about it as well.  I had an internship at a medical auditing company and had the chance to fly to Philadelphia by myself three times.  I stayed in a hotel by myself for the first time, and also ordered room service.  I hiked the Y for the first time, at midnight.  I did extremely well on a lot of projects and exams.  There are still some scores that I am really proud of because they showed a lot of effort on my part.  I lived at home all summer, which was really hard for me.  It felt like I was taking giant strides back, instead of growing forward.  I felt trapped with insecurities and bored with writing SQL.  But, I got to go on a lot of hikes with my parents.  I got to have a convenient canal in my backyard to run on.  I got to spend the 4th of July with Anne, and go to the lake.  I went to my first two concerts--Matt Kearney and Ingrid Michaelson.   I drove to Arizona and went on my first road trip with friends.  I moved myself out of my dorm.  I said goodbye to the rest of my friends, and I've learned saying goodbye takes some guts.  I made some really good friends, and I've learned to act like myself a little more.  When I think of some past interactions, I am proud.  I've stopped bending over backwards to get people to like me, and I've just gone with it.  I finished two more half marathons.  I read a lot of L.M. Montgomery.  I said goodbye to my childhood home and ward.  I took care of Anne over New Year's Eve...oh and helped when she had strep throat.  (note to self, cross nurse off of potential careers.  I'm horrible at it).   I wrote in my everyday journal more, but didn't do the best job of writing in other journals.  I realized that I really need to come up with a new way to push myself.  My goals were interesting this year.  I didn't have any that enthralled me.  I'm still thinking about what to do for next year.  This year was not one where I pushed myself, but I felt like everything else pushed me.  I read Better Than Before and Rising Strong, both books that got me thinking.  I wholeheartedly embraced being a questioner, and I am trying to do a better job of utilizing that part of my personality.  I worked hard in school this past semester.  I put in a lot of time, and for that I am really proud.  I spent more time with Anne than I have in a really long time. Anne and I took our first vacation together, by ourselves, which was really fun and interesting!  See what I mean?  There were so many things this year that pushed me and caused me to step up.   I awkwardly fell in love with a few of Sam Hunt's songs, realized I actually still liked One Direction, and listened to an embarrassing amount of Justin Bieber.  I said hello to a few old friends.  I learned to say no...or realized that I need to do a better job of saying no.  I made plans for a study abroad.  I began to schedule my day, hour by hour, minute by minute.  I did a better job of hosting parties and relaxing.  I stayed up later and got up earlier (I know, I know).  This was such a full year!  It didn't have the flashy appeal of 2014 (can we take a sec and appreciate 2014?).   But it was the type of year that feels good in your bones.

Sorry to have to 'summary' posts in a row, but I think recording stuff like this is really important.   At the very beginning of this year, when Anne was throwing up, and people were coming to look at our house, I remember being exhausted.  I felt that this was going to be a really good, but really hard year.  And I'm grateful that Heavenly Father taught me so many lessons in the way that I did.  I am so grateful for that.  I have really good feelings about this winter.  I feel good about my future plans and the future Elise.  It's going to be a good semester.

xo. Elise

Things I've Learned IV

Fall semester of 2015 is officially (well, almost except for that one final that still needs to be submitted) done!  This semester has been enlightening in a lot of ways--some good and some not so good.

And now it's time for some things I've learned:
I've learned how to work and go to school at the same time. I learned how to better communicate. I learned how to write code.  I've learned that some banana bread recipes don't work out, no matter how many times you try to make them.  I've learned Greek yogurt is delicious (wait, I don't think that's news to anyone or to me).  I've learned roommate dates every Thursday to the Farmer's Market is my favorite.  I've learned that it is possible to get tired of tomatillo salsa.  I've learned that accidental roommates can become some of your closest friends.  I've learned a lot about priorities and what is really important.  I've learned that meeting with professors is so so so important.  I've learned that letting go of some things in your life have a time and a season.  I've learned how to listen a lot better.  I've learned a lot about grief and the importance of just nodding.  I've learned how to leave things unsaid.  I've learned to not stress about boys so much--it definitely is not worth the mental space it takes up.  I've learned how fun it is to have Anne forty minutes away.  I've learned that throwing parties are a lot of work, but you always feel happy after you do.  I've learned that being in between is hard and not very fun, but there is always a silver lining.  I've learned how to send email after email.  I've learned how to organize my calendar, no but really.  I've learned how to take deep breaths.  I've learned it's ok, it's ok, it's ok.  I'm learning that that most development programs don't work, and we actually have no idea how to help, but that's ok.  I've learned a lot about my Savior and his life.  I see him in an entirely different light.  I've learned what it's like to be the sole confidant for friends.   I've learned how to go to college without any friends from high school.  I've learned how to have a little bit better perspective.  I've learned that sparkling water is my 'treat.'  I've learned that pumpkin soup isn't bad.  I've learned that there are still some talents I need to work on.  I've learned that not all half-marathons give you an adrenaline rush when you still have six miles to go.  I've learned that running for a cause helps you during the long runs.  I finally figured out the best way to get to the grocery store.  I've learned that passive aggression really irks me, and I've learned that a lot of what we say could actually go unsaid.  I've learned to say hi (so proud of myself for doing that).  I've learned to kind of like football.

Cheers to Winter of 2016.  It's going to be a good one.

xo. Elise

8-8

I left my apartment today at 8 a.m. and got back at 8 p.m.

When you look at your calendar or to-do list, it's too easy to look at the list and think you weren't productive at all today.  Because just look at all of that studying you could have done, but didn't actually do.  (Of course, looking back I realized that I never put any time to eat on my daily schedule so that's an issue).

But let's talk about what I did accomplish.

1. Attend two student meetings.
2. Attend class.
3. Attend weekly Thursday meeting.
4. Attend Strategy bootcamp.
5. Participate in a study for extra credit aka play a computer game for a half an hour
6. Finish two practice tests
7. Work for a total of four hours today.
8. Emailed professor about meeting time tomorrow.
9. Listened to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDWKuo3gXMQ ten times.
10. Wrote this blogpost.

Ugh, that doesn't look that impressive, does it?

Regardless, I am ending today tired, but doing ok.  That feeling when you work hard and you're tired?

I also came to the realization that I am assume everyone is working as hard as I do or that they care as much as I do.  I had been lumping me with everyone in my classes--about how they don't think they will do well or get into the program they want.  I was thinking that people had similar GPA's and resumes as me.  We all think everyone is like us.

News flash: they're not.  In some cases, I work much harder and care a lot more than a lot of people, BYU or not.  And that made me feel good to remember that.

So here is a grainy selfie of a girl dreaming of when she no longer has a midterm hovering and Thanksgiving break is too exciting.

Shameless

This weekend was spent on too many hours of homework and a lot of pictures with my roommates.  As in we went on a trail and just took pictures.  Yes, we were the girls that I think, really?  Find yourself a pair of running shoes.

But we did it anyway.  We also went to Great Harvest beforehand, and let me tell you, the gift certificate for a buy one get one free sweet was great.  The white chocolate raspberry scone was so good!  Delicious.

I also made banana pumpkin bread that tastes like baby food and is seriously undercooked.  I am going to try the recipe again, hopefully with some adjustments and better results.

I did make tower cake today.  Or my version of tower cake aka chocolate cake with white chocolate frosting and chocolate ganache poured over it.  It was delicious.  The cake was a bit of a reconstruction, but it was delicious anyway.  Check that off the list.

We also made potato soup as roommates and it was delicious.  Seriously, so good.  We had fun making it as roommates.  I made the roux, and wow, isn't that just miraculous?  I am amazed every time I cook and see miracles like that.  Isn't chemistry cool?

I woke up at 8:15 and made cake, frosting, listened to three conference talks, watched an hour of extra credit for MCom, printing out two MCom letters, and did the dishes.

I'm kind of exhausted from everything.  I just spent this evening doing absolutely nothing and I loved it.  I decided to take a break.  I think I need to do that more in my life.  We had a meeting in peer mentoring about investing in gratitude and investing in yourself.  And I really liked that.  Because it's easy to take a lot of breaks, but not have a lot of intentional breaks.  So you end up on Sunday night feeling a little exhausted and overwhelmed because even after doing homework for seven hours Saturday, you still have a ton of homework to do.  But it's ok because we are taking it one day at a time.

Anyway, here are some shameless pics that I liked from yesterday.  Also, I have been nailing the Instagram captions and puns lately.  Alesha said 'ain't' today, and Laura, who served her mission in Jacksonville, FL, said our language has been regressing since rooming with her.  And I was brilliant and said that it's just 'gone south.' Oh, I can't even handle it.  I'm hilarious.

Different

I was walking around campus tonight, looking at the beautiful fall colors.  I was thinking about my experience as a freshman and how exciting it was.  Everything seemed fun.  Every person was someone new to meet.  My independence thrilled me.

And now it's fall again and it seems a whole lot harder this time around.  Classes?  Harder.  Living situation?  Harder.  Pressure?  Harder.  Homework?  Harder.  Work?  Much harder because it wasn't even on my radar last year.

I came into this year (2015) feeling like it was going to be a really good and really hard year.   I look back to January and I don't think I've ever been more correct about anything in my life.  I can feel myself evolving and growing.  I feel infinitely older than my young nineteen years old self.  Every season seems to have pushed me.

But this human experience is worthwhile because I can feel that something is happening.  Something is brewing.  And in between then, I'm going to continue to write thank you notes to my professors who I can tell had a rough day.  I'm going to buy butter to replace the butter I used from my roommate so she can make banana bread.  I'm going to run two miles and be shocked this body of mine ever ran thirteen because wow it was difficult.

xo. Elise

Sweet Potato Pancakes

I am probably the least patient cook ever to set foot in the kitchen, especially considering how I can't even wait to make toast.  This can make my cooking escapades fascinating!

And so here is a recipe because I made it all up by myself.  And I think it's a pretty good indicator of life right now.  Also, if you go back in the archives, you will find that I made a sweet potato recipe last year as well.  Clearly I am original and creative with my ingredients.

Sweet Potato Pancakes:

Ingredients:
-1/4 cup of whole wheat flour
-1/4 cup of oatmeal
-1 sweet potato, boiled until soft and can be mashed up like mashed potatoes
-Dash of salt, vanilla, baking soda, baking powder, and cinnamon
-2 teaspoons of brown sugar
-Maybe a teaspoon of olive oil?  (Clearly I measured a lot for this recipe)
-1/2 cup of milk?  Maybe more?  Put as much as you want in to get the consistency you want.
-1 egg

Scoop a 1/4 cup of batter and cook it like a pancake.  Really originally, hehe

*Note: This pancakes were very sweet potato heavy.  They clearly had sweet potatoes in them.  I would say the ratio was 2 sweet potato to 1 part batter.  I would double the flour, oatmeal, and milk if you want a more pancake like texture.  Pour some syrup on and enjoy!

xoxo. Elise

Missed This

Weeks are overwhelming and days are barely manageable, but there are some moments where it is just so good.  

Earlier this week I had showered, and I thought we were all going to go to bed.  After a few dance lessons in our living, we all decided that In N' Out sounded really good.  And so we went.  And it was so much fun.  There are a few moments where college is so good and I remember why I missed being here.  

All of that to say that I am happy and In N' Out has really good Neapolitan shakes.

First Down

For the first time in my life, I actually had fun at a football game.  Football is not a sport I can really get behind, but last night changed my mind.  BYU beat Boise State, making them jump eight rankings and securing the number 18 spot in the national rankings.  (And this is where we pretend I have cared about any of this before 24 hours ago.  Also, take a look to see where the Arizona Wildcats are ranked.)

In all honesty, it was so much fun.  We waited for two hours to get in, barely found seats and free t-shirts, and I was convinced it was going to be a long game.  But a touchdown in the first two minutes of the first quarter was exciting, and the two touchdowns in the last five minutes of the fourth quarter nearly gave me a heart attack.  65,000 people packed into the stadium and it was a crazy game.

Right before the game, my roommates and I threw a panini party.  In some ways, it was really good because people came and it was a lot of fun.  In other ways, it was not so good because some people didn't come after they told us they would (ahem, back window neighbors) and now we have two extra pouches of lunch meat.  Good thing our freezer is empty.

I feel pretty lucky to be rooming with these girls.  One of the best parts is that I don't ever have to push them to go to church activities or to hurry so we won't be late. I love it.  (Also, I am wearing my first ever purchased BYU shirt.  It was a big step for me). 

Here is a lot of people that came to our panini party.  I look like I'm standing normally, but I'm actually on my tiptoes standing on the bench trying not to fall backwards.  

It feels good to be back at BYU.  I'm pretty grateful I get to go to this school.  

Isn't it crazy to have a great football game one night and then go and hear one of the Quorum of the Twelve speak live the next morning?  You are looking at a very blessed girl right now.  

I will now retreat to my bed with a tissue box by my side to impersonate Walter on Sleepless in Seattle.  

xo. Elise 

For the Visual Learners

First day of school picture.  In our kitchen.  At the end of the day.  After a really long day.  

I love this picture because I look alive.  Fist bump for concerts that you ditch to go get tacos and limeade.  

I felt no guilt getting a cinnamon roll because I had just gotten back from an absolutely fabulous ten mile run.  I know, right? 

Alesha is wearing her shirt that she got at the Latino Festival, and we decided a selfie was required while we were on a slightly uncomfortable polygadate.  I am becoming too good at being a third wheel. 

And last but not least, my room.  Which doesn't look that different except for the big gorgeous window.  That has a view right into someone else's bedroom.  But it's fine because they keep their blinds close, and we keep our blinds open.  

Back At It

It's so different being here for round 2.  First, it's hilarious how many 'sightings' I have on campus.  I saw about five different people I knew on campus today, but they actually weren't people I knew, just look alikes.

I have just had half an hour where I haven't met with anyone and it has been DIVINE.  I feel like I have been just meeting meeting meeting always smiling and asking how people are feeling about their days and life and whether BYU is their dream school and congratulations for making it and do you have an Arts Card yet?

Breathe.

In all seriousness, it has been slightly overwhelming and sometimes it's not very fun.  And then there are other moments where it is kind of fun, which I guess is all I could want from a job.

And school.  Sometimes I forget that I go to school, but I have to say,  I am really digging my schedule this year.  Only one class on Tuesday and Thursday and no class on Friday.  Of course that means that my Monday and Wednesdays are jam packed, but I can handle 2 out of 5, you know?

I'm lucky because I have great roommates and unlucky because I have no friends.  Ha.  But for reals, we are in that awkward we don't know anyone stage, so let's go on awkward polygadates with people we do know?  And yes, that is unfortunately a true story.

And there are moments where campus is as beautiful as I remember and BYU is so BYU that I can't help but love it in the very depth of my bones.  

In summary, I'm handling it.  I wish I was getting more sleep because sleep is a hot commodity these days, but we are going to the Farmer's Market today, and I'm hoping to pick up some absolutely divine apples and a free sample of something delicious.  And possibly an Irish taco.  So I am going to chalk this day up to a WIN.

About Abraham

Last year I took a philosophy class, full of readings that were constant and class discussions that were long.  One of my favorite reading assignments was about the education of Abraham, in the Old Testament.  It was fascinating to read the story through the eyes of education.  And as my mom always quotes, Abraham had something to learn about Abraham.

Last night, as I couldn't sleep, I thought about how this summer was where Elise had to learn something about Elise.

I don't know if I need to elaborate on that because I'm not sure what else I would say.  But I have learned a lot and it has been a very educational summer.  I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with my parents.  During my freshman year, I never thought that I would get to experience living with them again, and I'm grateful I did.  I'm grateful for the time I spent with Anne, the most time we've spent together in four years.  I'm grateful for the weekends I was home alone, and the time to just think and overcome my fear of an empty house.  Im grateful for the chance to read all of the books I missed, and read enough L.M. Montgomery to be able to predict the story line in her short stories.  I'm grateful for the countless emails I wrote and the journal entries which lengthened in proportion to my thoughts that needed sorting.  I'm grateful for the food I made and ate this summer, and I'm grateful for the hikes I've gone on.  

And I'm grateful for the chance to become reacquainted with Elise because Heaven knows how much I actually needed this time.

xo. Elise

Coming Up for Air

Today you get the privilege of seeing a journal entry of mine.  I'm not always this eloquent, sometimes my journal entries consist of "Today was hard.  Enough said."  But I don't think I could write this better than I already have.

This summer could be chalked up to one where I dropped the ball.  I was whirling so fast from my first year at college that I was shocked into silence when the music stopped mid-twirl.  I could (and have) look back on these months with regret for the days I didn't go outside, the tan I didn't get, and the runs I didn't go on.  In April, I told Heavenly Father over the pulpit that I was going to have faith and trust in His plan.*

*As long as that plan fit into not living at home in Utah all summer.

Ok, I tried to have more faith than that, but I feel like I failed.  I angrily shoved everything in my sister's car and left to go a measly 1.5 hours way.  I look back at this summer and see a girl who tried so hard to stay a girl, but lost herself in the juxtaposition of moving home and tackling grown up situations.  I lost contact with myself and contact with God, and sometimes I'm not sure where either one is hiding.

But I refuse to look back on this summer with regret because regretting time seems like a ship that would capsize my confidence.  Instead, I want to remember it as the summer where I had my first job.  I don't want to forget going on a vacation with Anne for the first time.  I don't want to undermine flying to Pennsylvania by myself three separate times and staying in a hotel room alone.  I don't want my first car accident, second concert, and first road trip swept under the rug in embarrassment.  I want each breakdown recorded, and I don't want my act of rebellion by not going to Church activities to be forgotten or repeated.   I don't want the dozen of hikes I went on with my parents to become obsolete.

This summer has been a brave, hard thing for me to live through for all of these reasons and more.  And I am reaching the point where my head breaks the surface, bringing me to my knees and begging for clean air.

xo. Elise