Halfway and a happy birthday

Today was my half birthday and all I'm saying is my 21st year is not going the way I expected.  It may be cheesy and naive, but I always pictured this year just being golden.  And even though it was technically my golden birthday, this year has not been golden.  It's been full of things that have caught me off guard.

A few things I've learned in the past six months since I had the best Cuban sandwich of my life and blew out my candles over cheesecake:

1. I have gotten so used to people having very purposeful exits in my life, usually marked by literal farewells and goodbye hugs.  I've learned that a lot of people in your life leave, and you didn't expect it.  I've gotten used to saying goodbye, but I've had the luxury of always knowing it was happening.  This past year, I've said goodbye a lot (again) but it happened before I even realized it.  And I've learned I need to be more ok with that.
2.  I've learned that grief is a very physical reaction.  I remember that day in February when I started crying, immediately.  And then I talked on the phone to a group member about a project.  I went and got dinner and almost started crying because they no longer had cherry flavoring for my shake.  And then that night I was reading for my Organizational Behavior class, and I was so cold.  I was just cold to my bones.  And I didn't know that life could be so absolutely normal and absolutely freezing at the same time.
3.  I've learned that my testimony truly is a lense in which I view my life. Even when my faith could be better or I could be living the Gospel more fully, I view my life through God's hand in my life.  It hasn't always been like that, but I'm proud of that thought process.
4. Being nice does not always have an immediate return on investment.  There have been a lot of text messages I've sent that haven't had a response.  A lot of thank you notes sent.  A lot of prayers sent.  A lot of follow up conversations.  And in a lot of ways, it seems like I kept putting forth effort with not a whole lot of feedback.  But ever since this summer has started, I have felt so many things come back tenfold.  And no, those text messages still haven't been responded to and the follow up conversations aren't always two-sided.  But in so many other ways, I have felt the kindness of so many near-strangers.  People have invited me over for dinner, they have asked about my favorite music, and they have listened to me talk about BYU and the people I love.  And so maybe I've really just learned that the return on my kindness investment is different than I expected, but exactly what I needed.
5. Just because you are part of a group, doesn't mean you have to be going where the group is headed.  I think this quote sums it up for me: "I was part of the strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest, to make money they don't want, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like." -Emile Gauvreau.   When I read this quote, it stopped me in my tracks.  In some ways it feels more like the motto of the business school.  But going forward, I don't want to be going with the group just so I can make a lot of money that will impress the group.  I want to be better than that.  I want to be more thoughtful than that.
6.  Sometimes a haircut is just a haircut but sometimes it's a testament to change, to God, and to an identity crisis.  And that's an important thing to recognize as you Google how to grow your hair quickly.
7.  You need to do what you need to do to make your life comfortable.  I think we sometimes assume we can make do with what we have.  (Which is exactly why I lived with the fridge light for two years).  But sometimes you buy the coconut syrup and command hooks to hang your favorite baseball cap.  This can also include saying no to being social or hanging out with people.  This also includes going to bed before you've finished your to-do list.  There isn't a prize for enduring life in the most inconvenient way.
8.  I'm not very good at this yet, but I'm learning to not doubt myself as much.  As a member of the church, I want so desperately to be constantly in tune with the Spirit and receive confirmation of my decisions.  I want that verification and feedback (maybe it's just because I'm a millennial, who knows?)  I kind of assumed that if I lived 'righteously' enough, then I wouldn't doubt my spiritual decisions.  I've learned that's not true.  I finally had closure on a decision I made months ago, and I finally feel wholly and completely good about it.  I learned that yes, I made the decision what seems like forever ago, but I didn't know whether it was the right one until just now.  But that doesn't mean it's the wrong one.  Sometimes we really just have to trust ourselves, and trust that if we are listening, God will guide us.  And that's a powerful reminder to me as I enter a season of a lot of decisions.
9. It's ok to feel like all you're giving is your bare minimum, because, to be quite frank, it's not your bare minimum.   Unless all you do is get up and breath, you are doing more than you bare minimum.  If you talk on the phone with your family, finish homework on time, and make guacamole for dinner, you are doing more than the bare minimum.  You are connecting with the people in your life, furthering your education, and feeding yourself some healthy fats and comfort food.  All of this is better than just breathing and feeling sorry for yourself.  There have been a lot of days where I felt like I was barely giving forth my best effort, but I was actually still praying, reading my scriptures, and saying hi.  And I was in that rut for a very, very long time.  And I still accomplished a lot that I can be proud of.
10.  I am still unpacking this, but when you have not been ok for a long time, you really have to give yourself permission to be ok again.  You have to remind yourself it's ok to laugh.  You have to be ok with...being ok again.  And some days are just plain good.  And there is nothing wrong with having a good day.  Getting to a better and happier place doesn't undermine the difficult things you went through, and it doesn't undermine the difficult things that you are still going through.  A part of me thinks that if I say, wow, I actually had a good day today, that I don't have permission to have bad days.  I have started to just feel like I had to be in a bad place, every day, in order to justify my feelings.  And nope, that's not how it works.  You can be good and bad and ok and horrible and content and hopeful and crying all in the same breath (I mean it's exhausting for my poor parents on the other end of the phone).  That is probably the epitome of the human experience, and aren't we grateful we get to experience the whole spectrum?
10.5 Hope is a powerful thing, and that's why being hopeful is still worth the investment.

20 Going on 21

I just had the realization that I am living out my last day as a 20 year old.  I'm just confused on how I got to this point.  21 was the age...well the age of everything.  It was officially the old age when I was younger.   But for being a 21 year old?  I'm just feeling overwhelmingly grateful for these chances, opportunities, and experiences.

Some memories from being 20:
- Mocktail party, snow-shoeing, J-Dawgs, Street 180 tacos, and a date all in one weekend.
- Valentine's Weekend with Anne
- Falling in the lake at the ward party
- Making salsa and guacamole often
- Getting shakes and jamming out to country music, only to head home and hear a date recap
- Talking about being a squad all night and watching Inception at midnight
- Playing hot sauce baseball in the kitchen
- Being asked to make lasagna and talking with friends for hours
- Going to Mooyah's on the hard days (spontaneous!)
- 8 a.m. classes everyday--> Econ with Laura!
- Starting another internship at Lucid Software
- Hour-long commute, holla (but not really because that's rough)
- Work retreat at Zion's--> hiking Angel's Landing, paint-balling, skeet shooting, zip-lining, jeep rides
- Running the Ogden Half Marathon with my sister and dad
- Finishing the prerequisites + applying for the strategy program
- Playing volleyball with 11 boys in the rain
- Having people come to my parent's house for the weekend
- Being a peer mentor, not being a peer mentor, working part-time for Lucid
- Having an apartment troubadour, BWW's, movie night every night (with cookies)
-Bon Voyage party with Los Hermanos + a doctor's appointment beforehand
- Traveling the world--> 11 countries, 3 continents, a lot of flights in 40 days.
-Finland: strawberries, blueberry ice cream, salted black licorice, temple trip, island sunshine
-England: London tour guide, Oxford debate, bad sunburn
-Czech Republic: Strategy program interview, turtlenecks, paddle-boating
-Austria: mountains, running, Eagle's nest, salt mine
-Germany: rain, rain, rain, Munich, BMW factory, closed heel shoes, best breakfasts
-Switzerland: Geneva, Nestle, expensive ice cream, temple, pizza, mountains, hills, acceptance!
-Italy: gelato (too much, yet not enough), pizza, Lake Como, so hot, difficult conversations
-South Africa: chilly, temple, Mandela, dancing kids, safari, buffets (custard alllll day)
-India: playing with kids in Mumbai, Taj Mahal, curry, curry, curry, Old Dehli, saris
- Thailand: Pad Thai, large Buddhas, new dresses, favorite necklace, riding elephants
-China: Great Wall (in jeans!), Beijing Times Square, Tiananmen Square, best eggplant of my life
- Hiking Timp--> harder than expected
- Outdoor concert with Mom and Dad
- First semester in the strategy program (holla)
- Recruiting with McKinsey/first interview with Bain
- 2 half marathons in one month --> Pink Series and Haunted Half
- Monthly dinners and weekly lunches with study abroad friends
- Semi-annual General Conference breakfasts
-Surprise party for Shay // Blacksheep Cafe for Alesha's birthday
- Visiting Alesha in the Y-Serve office, listening to Laura's life
- Visits from friends on long homework nights
- Late nights in the Tanner (soooo long)
- Thanksgiving in Arizona // Friendsgiving x2
- Flying out for an interview (13th night alone in a hotel in PA)
- Driving to the temple, going there every week
- Breakfast sandwiches disappointments
- Seeing all of my high school friends again --> weekend in Provo!
- Bringing a 'Make it Rain' poster to intramural games
- Discovering 'Salted Caramel Pretzel Twist' at the Creamery <-- Best flavor ever
- Shopping in Park City with roommates // Anne
- Case competitions (up all nighttttttt)

I've always liked this picture of me, right outside Mother Theresa's orphanage.  It's a good life, and I am one dang lucky (almost) 21 year old.  

Happy Birthday (and a no)

Today is my dad's birthday, and part of me really misses the days when I knew I was going to have a Killer Burger tonight, followed up with some deliciously rich chocolate cake.  We would all sing happy birthday, and I would give my dad a hug, feeling safe like I always do when I hug him.  We would have laughed and snitched a few of his favorite almond M&M's away from him, pretending that they are basically a health food.  I would look at his new piece of fishing equipment and try to figure out what it was used for.

Those were good days, and I miss the Elise that I was and that time in my life.

I also realized this today that there are some things that you just have to let go.  I didn't realize that perfectionism is still a thing for me.  In high school it meant that I was getting a hundred percent and taking first.  In college, it's much larger than that.  I want to be the perfect roommate, friend, student, disciple of Christ, hostess, group member.  I want to be clean, fit, healthy, gentle, kind, thoughtful.   I want to be the girl that is satisfied and that can somehow make it all work.

And I realized today that I'm not that girl.  I have some brilliant flashes, and those are the things I crave.  But it's just not realistic.  And that is ok.  And I want to do a better job of letting go of the guilt that comes with it.  I need to do a better job of acknowledging I can't do it all.  And I need to get used to saying no.  NO.  Revolutionary, isn't it?

So I'm saying no to guilt and to that pesky voice that tells me I can do it all.  Really just the voice that keeps telling me that I should be doing everything, in order to be anything.  Because that is a lie.  And I believe in honesty.

Anyway, thought process complete.

Happy Birthday, Dad.  So blessed to have you in my life!

xo. Elise

I LOVE this picture of my dad and me! 

Surprise!

I got to go to Anne's surprise party today, and I absolutely loved seeing her walk into the door.  I got to socialize with all of her little ward friends, which isn't much difference than when I would socialize with her high school friends.  hehe.  She walked into the door and started crying, and then she saw me and we basically both started crying.  I love that I got to surprise her, I don't think she ever expected me.  I love that I got to give her that gift.

We all went to lunch tomorrow yesterday, as a family.  We had some of the best pizza I've ever had, followed up with Nielsen's, which is the best thing ever.  I left feeling completely full, not just of delicious food but of the best feeling of safety.  I realized that spending time with my family is sacred.  It didn't necessarily used to be that way.  We were always together, and so it didn't seem that special.  But now that we don't live together, it is such a special time.

I am so humbled to have them in my life.  I still can't believe that I get to spend forever with them, what a privilege and an honor.  Not just this time, but forever.  Do you recognize how miraculous that is?  I am so blessed.

And happy birthday, Anne.  I didn't express it nearly enough today, but you are my best friend.  That's all I can say, but thank you.  I hope you understand on some level how grateful I am for you.  Thanks for being the best.

xo. Elise

Shameless

This weekend was spent on too many hours of homework and a lot of pictures with my roommates.  As in we went on a trail and just took pictures.  Yes, we were the girls that I think, really?  Find yourself a pair of running shoes.

But we did it anyway.  We also went to Great Harvest beforehand, and let me tell you, the gift certificate for a buy one get one free sweet was great.  The white chocolate raspberry scone was so good!  Delicious.

I also made banana pumpkin bread that tastes like baby food and is seriously undercooked.  I am going to try the recipe again, hopefully with some adjustments and better results.

I did make tower cake today.  Or my version of tower cake aka chocolate cake with white chocolate frosting and chocolate ganache poured over it.  It was delicious.  The cake was a bit of a reconstruction, but it was delicious anyway.  Check that off the list.

We also made potato soup as roommates and it was delicious.  Seriously, so good.  We had fun making it as roommates.  I made the roux, and wow, isn't that just miraculous?  I am amazed every time I cook and see miracles like that.  Isn't chemistry cool?

I woke up at 8:15 and made cake, frosting, listened to three conference talks, watched an hour of extra credit for MCom, printing out two MCom letters, and did the dishes.

I'm kind of exhausted from everything.  I just spent this evening doing absolutely nothing and I loved it.  I decided to take a break.  I think I need to do that more in my life.  We had a meeting in peer mentoring about investing in gratitude and investing in yourself.  And I really liked that.  Because it's easy to take a lot of breaks, but not have a lot of intentional breaks.  So you end up on Sunday night feeling a little exhausted and overwhelmed because even after doing homework for seven hours Saturday, you still have a ton of homework to do.  But it's ok because we are taking it one day at a time.

Anyway, here are some shameless pics that I liked from yesterday.  Also, I have been nailing the Instagram captions and puns lately.  Alesha said 'ain't' today, and Laura, who served her mission in Jacksonville, FL, said our language has been regressing since rooming with her.  And I was brilliant and said that it's just 'gone south.' Oh, I can't even handle it.  I'm hilarious.

Golden Anniversary

Today is my parent's 26th wedding anniversary.  I couldn't be more proud of them.  I often wonder about my life because sometimes it seems like a miracle.  I don't know how I lucked out with those two people in my life.  They are awe-inspiring in their professional fields, and I would be blessed to be as good at my future career as they are.  I hope that I like it as much as they seem to.  I will constantly work on having a marriage like theirs.  I am amazed at the teamwork they show.  I have been blessed to always see the strength of their relationship, but it has been especially fun this past year.  They act like newlyweds and aren't afraid to have adventures.  They go out and do things together.  They aren't afraid to try new things.  They are both dedicated to the Gospel and have been pivotal in helping me gain my own testimony.  I'm also very grateful for their friendship.  I love talking with them and spending time with them.

Out of all my role models, these two top the list.  I wouldn't be who I am without them, and am grateful to my Heavenly Father who blessed me with them.

Happy Golden Anniversary, you two.  You are the best parents that I've met, and it is a privilege to be your daughter.

xo. Elise

Motherhood

I've been thinking about motherhood a lot these past few days.  My mom's birthday was on Saturday, and her example to me was floating in and out of my mind all day.  Thursday night, as I roasted tomatoes and onions for salsa, I thought about how she taught me to love salsa from day one and make salsa years later.  Now it's my favorite thing to make.

I thought about how she taught me to be kind to those around me.  Often when I tell stories about my life, she focuses on the people.  There have been several stories where she stops me in my tracks, as I ponder how someone else felt.  When I am thinking of only one person (most often myself), she sees the story for all the facets.  When I was sad about my team losing, she replied, maybe the winning team was McFarland.

As I write papers, I think about how she continually and repeatedly teaches me to calm down on the commas.  I try to make my sentences more concise and clarify any confusion, for her sake and mine as we try to edit the paper long distantly.

I think about her every time I do my statistic reading.  I know that there are programs for what I'm learning, so my mom and I don't use the same methods, but it makes me happy to know that we speak  the same language, at a fundamental level.

I thought about how she can make any space sacred, even a kitchen counter in a rental house over sub sandwiches.

Every time I have a dream that seems staggeringly large, I think about my mom.  I think about how she pushed herself.  How she trusts God's timing.  How she waits on the Lord to show her what she needs to do.  One of my favorite stories about me that I've heard from my mom is when she decided to treat me like I was her last baby.  I am grateful for a mom who listens to the Spirit, and especially grateful I have a mom who devoted her time to me.

A little less than a year ago (as in a week), my mom showed me one of the greatest acts of motherhood I've seen.  It was the day of the State tournament.  I had just found out that I had been undefeated in prelims.  I slipped away from my coach and teammates.  I walked out of the crowded cafeteria and stuffy high school halls to a door, where I dialed the phone.  My mom picked up, and I started crying.  She panicked, thinking I was reporting bad news, and instead I got to tell her I had won.  Through my tears, I somehow told her that I was the only person to be 5-0.  And she told me it was an answer to so many prayers.

A little less than two years ago (as in a week), I called my mom, already crying.  I called her to tell her I had gone 1-4 in prelims.  And she cried with me.  And she comforted me.

And that act, shows who my mom is.  My mom is someone who will be there for all the range of tears.  She will pray for you all day and all night if necessary.  She will turn her worries over to God and trust Him with all her heart, because she loves Him and knows that He will provide.  She will be there to cheer you on and protect you.

And I am beyond grateful to have this beautiful lady in my life.  To have a mom who will cry thousands of tears with me and will discuss all things pertaining to anything.

I love you Mom.  Thank you for it all.

xo. Elise

Break

My word for this year is break.  

Break: to open suddenly especially because of pressure from inside.

Isn't that a great definition?  To open. 

However, all of these make my heart go patter, they are just that great:  

• interrupt (a continuity, sequence, or course)

• put an end to (a silence) by speaking or making contact.• make a pause in (a journey)• stop proceedings in order to have a pause or vacation• lessen the impact of (a fall)• stop oneself from being subject to (a habit).• put an end to (a tie in a game) by making a score.• make a rush or dash in a particular direction:• surpass (a record)• disconnect or interrupt • curve or drop on its way toward the batter.• rebound unpredictably•change direction on bouncing, due to spin.
Last year, my word was change.  And goodness, that was the best word I could have possibly chosen for myself. Things have changed in so many ways: debate ending, graduating high school, moving out, Anne moving to D.C., my parents moving.  Nothing is really the same.  Sometimes all of the goodbyes I've been saying makes me hallow inside.  One after another after another after...can I stop making friends with pre-mish?  K, thanks. 
I'm ending this year in awe of every blessing.  It's a relief to look past at this year and realize that I was happy.  And I had a beautiful year.  I'm shoving that foreboding joy away and reminding myself that I am blessed to be here right now, in this moment when the plates are spinning in a beautiful pattern.  I'm not going to wait for the crash, but instead going to enjoy the show. 
2015.  It's going to be good.  My goal for the year is to be simply happy.  Freedom is not unattainable.  I don't have to be chained. 
My goals this year aren't as specific as they usually are.  They are a little more open-ended, with a blank spot on my list.  
Good luck with everything.  Take a deep breath.  It's going to be good.  
xo. Elise 

19

As I've gotten older, birthdays don't consist of cupcakes at school or birthday parties with party favors and twelve kids running wild.

I've learned that birthdays are a celebration, and I haven't felt so loved in such a long time.  I love seeing so many friendly faces and kind people in my life that show their love for me.  I usually don't feel like I deserve their kindness or their love, but I am so grateful that they show it to me anyway!

To my mom:  The only reason why I am here is because of your sacrifice.  Thank you for sacrificing yourself to be my mom.  I am grateful for you on a daily basis, and literally step back in awe that this amazing woman is my mother.  I don't know what I did to be blessed with you in my life, but I am grateful for your support.  You are there when I call.  You reassure me when I'm bawling.  You laugh with me when I'm giggling.  You put forth extra effort to make sure I feel loved.

To my dad:  You have worked so hard to make sure that I am provided for.  I am insanely blessed, and a lot of it is because of your sacrifice for our family.  You have consciously thought about what you want to teach me and how you want to father me.  I am incredibly, incredibly, incredibly blessed to have you as my dad.  Thank you for teaching me what I need to know and pushing me because you have faith in me.  You have always treated me with respect, and you have (sometimes I feel undeserved) crazy amount of faith in me.  Thank you.

To my sister: You are truly one of my greatest blessings.  You text me when you're bored.  You read my texts when I'm bored.  You pick up the phone when I call.  You write me the kindest notes and give me the sweetest gifts.  You are there for me in a way that very very very few people have been.  You mother me and take care of me and you're sensitive to my needs.  You are my example and the blueprint creator.  Thank you for always being there.  I don't know what I would do without you.

No one else actually reads this blog, but thank you to everyone who has cared about me.  I am so blessed to have had nineteen years on this extraordinary globe.  I am grateful for the interactions I've had, people I've met, trials I've endured, successes I've been blessed with.  My heart is so full of gratitude and love.  And this perfect day started this morning when I opened my eyes to a world of pink.

xo. Elise

Picture of a newly minted 19 year old.  It's going to be a great year you guys.  I can just feel it.  

Saviors

I love the idea of saviors.  I love the fact that I have a Savior, someone who made pure cleansing possible. 

            

But I also believe that Heavenly Father puts certain people in your life to be saviors when you need it, you know, when He can’t quite show Himself. 

I am sitting here on my couch, looking at three of my saviors today.  My roommates and our friend Josh are playing a card game, making philosophy seem a little boring.

          

I woke up today feeling completely exhausted and more than a little lonely.  I opened my door to find a string of ethereal, origami butterflies strung across the frame. I walk into the kitchen and find Reeses Pieces (my favorite) and a wall of butterflies, just absolutely gorgeous.  My roommates wrote 19 things they love about me on them.  I haven’t read most of them since I can’t bear to take them all down, but they are so beautiful.  I almost started crying because of their kindness.  Josh brought me Warheads, sparkling cider, and more Reeses Pieces. 

            

And they did all of this because we are celebrating my fake birthday today.  Aren’t they just the nicest? 

            

I am so grateful to have these people in my life and these daily saviors.  In the midst of finals weeks, I have needed tender mercies more than ever.  I’m also grateful for a Heavenly Father that answers prayers in what may seem the absolutely worse way possible, yet somehow it works.  I’m feeling grateful to have been feeling lonely so I need Him, and feeling ok with being humbled. 

Content

This post was started at about 11 last night.  And then I proceeded to talk to my roommates for an hour and a half so it never got finished.  Worth it though.

So many feels going on right now, but priorities first.

Frozen chocolate chip cookie dough is my life.  Seriously, why did I not know about this before?  I take that back, it's a good thing I didn't know about it.  Make chocolate chip cookies, roll them in balls, freeze, and devour.  I'm going to look into an eggless recipe specially for finals week because, wow, that's scary.

Ha, ok, let's get down to the real things that matter in my life.

I have the best family in the world.  Seriously, I have felt so much love from my parents and sister this week.  They have called me, emailed me, texted me, and most importantly, prayed for me.  I am so grateful for to them in my life.

Today is my dad's birthday, and I was reminded again how great of a dad he really is.   He's taught me strength, bravery, courage, kindness, humility, and humor.  He always texts me and tells me he's proud of me.  Proud of little ole' me.  He tells me to brush it off.  He reminds me that I am capable.  And he is doing great things.  Before I really start tearing up, just know, that I am thankful beyond measure for him in my life.  I wouldn't be who I am without his influence in my life.

Good luck to those who are waiting, praying, hoping, wishing, celebrating, and dreaming.  Heavenly Father has this all figured out.  He blesses you with the people you need and the circumstances you need.

Fist pump, it's December.

xo. Elise

Roomiegiving

My roommates and I planned a Thanksgiving dinner for tonight, and buttons were a-poppin' (not just because we ate too much).

All during church we were practically giddy when we thought about everything that we were going to make and eat.  I made my mom's sweet potato soufflé, Hailey made her mom's stuffing, and Sam made her grandma's chiffon pumpkin pie.  We had rolls, mashed potatoes, and Sammi made green bean casserole.

I was making the soufflé and thought about how my mom did it and all of the other people in my family who had done it through the years. And I realized there is something beautiful how four college girls could connect to different generations simply by the food they made.

We were all so proud of ourselves for actually pulling it off.  We also decided that we don't want to host Thanksgiving dinner anytime soon.

Happy holidays everyone.  It's a beautiful time to be alive.

xo. Elise

Shamefully

I am shamelessly listening to the Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas CD and have been for the past week or so.  I can't help it, it makes me feel closer to home and have that comforting feel that envelopes me every time I start to peel a clementine.

[Sidenote: the smell of clementines reminds me debate tournaments, Christmas mornings, and cold Januarys.]

It's that week at school when all of the students look expectantly at the teacher, waiting to be let out early simply for the fact that it's almost the holidays.  I have a feeling campus is going to be deserted soon, and I'm wondering how I feel about that.

In other good news, I turned in my first eight page college paper today. I actually got all of my stuff turned in one time (insert tender mercy).  And my biology test grade mysteriously continue to go up... I don't exactly comprehend why, but I will take whatever I can get.

I have plans to buy chocolate covered cherries when I decorate for Christmas soon and maybe catch up on all of my homework over Thanksgiving break.  I'm dreaming of molasses cookies and brainstorming for the advent that Anne and I do every year (still doing it right Anne?)

I've felt a tad restless all day, and I am ready for a break.  Two more days and then two more classes.  I was literally planing my schedule like it was Thursday this morning, but the good news is that we finally finished this Wednesday.

xo. Elise

Feeling 22

Yesterday was Anne's birthday.  Anne, as in the my best friend who is currently living halfway across the country who I am so stinking proud of you and oh by the way got flat-out offered an internship with our Senator because she is that cool.

So yes.  That sister turned 22 yesterday.

I can't exactly put into words how awesome it is to be Anne's sister.  That is a relationship that only I will ever understand.  Isn't that cool?  I'm the only person who knows what it's like to be Anne Clark's sister.  And I have to say, Anne is pretty amazing.

Before I went to college, we had a really good relationship.  Like really good.  But every since I moved out, our relationship is so good.  Some people may say it's because we don't see each other, and yeah, that definitely cuts down on fighting opportunities.  But really, it's like we are both on our own and recognize that we need each other.  I get her, and she gets me.  That's what it means to be a sister.

Anne, you are doing great things.  You are working so hard.  And you are succeeding in so many areas.  I have the privilege of knowing some of your deepest fears, but know that you are doing absolutely fine.  You are doing great things.  I'm grateful for your example and your ability to show me how to live life so beautifully.

I hope that this 22nd year of yours is the best ever.  You deserve every good thing that comes to you.  And I will send you all of the love, encouragement, and happy thoughts that I can because you deserve it.

xo. Elise

Home Again

This is the first weekend I've been home, and wow, it's kind of weird.  Weird because everything looks the same, yet I feel like I've been gone ten years.  Weird because it feels like I only left yesterday.  Weird because I don't live here anymore, yet I lived here.

I've realized how absolutely beautiful my hometown is.  I also realized how small it is.  Provo is by no means a big city, but it definitely isn't rural.  Fall is so much more in your face here, and I kind of love it.

I pulled into the driveway and walked right into hugs.  We rushed off to dinner, and I couldn't stop talking.  So much to talk about!

And I really did see myself.  I was rushing down the stairs, like I did a million times before, and I bumped right into myself all over again.  My room used to be empty, but now it looks just as messy as it always did.

Things change...people change.  But it's ok because I'm lucky enough I have two great places to call home.

We went on a hike today, and wow, it was so beautiful.  I ran my old running route, and wow, I remember why I hate it.  I ate the famous Clark pizza, and wow, I remember why it is so good.

It's good to live the life I do.  I am blessed beyond measure. 

xo. Elise 

PC

I’ve waxed poetic about my love for Park City before.  We used to go every fall break and enjoy the leaves, family pictures, and good food.  This year, I don’t have fall break (which sometimes feels all sorts of devastating).  As I’m typing this though, I’m in my own Park City.

I escaped campus, and not just for a grocery-shopping jaunt.  I sit here in Provo Canyon, amazed at the colors.  The little park I escaped to is similar to Park City—well-maintained, beautiful stonework.  It has an overabundance of little boys shouting, “Hey Trish, come look at this spider” and a darling old couple picnicking on the grass.  And it has a table for one college student, full from Café Rio with a peppermint lingering on her breath.  I’m wearing my new cute coat and an atrocious combo of black jeans, royal blue socks, and old running shoes. 

Yet, I beautifully couldn’t care less. 

Because I have philosophy to study and all of the time in the world to do it. 

Really, scroll through all of the pictures.  I promise it will be worth it. 

Funny story about this. ^^^^ The new iPhone update has a timer on it, perfect for selfies.  I brilliantly decided to test it out on my little hike.  It definitely would have turned out better if the phone wasn't on ground level, but whatevs. I was quite pleased with myself for figuring it out and having it work. 

Until I was walking aback and saw an occupied camp ground RIGHT IN BEHIND WHERE I WAS TALKING EMBARRASSING PICTURES.  Oh, how I wish I was kidding.  But no, literally faced the camp the whole time I was doing dumb poses, trying to get a decent picture.  

Sigh.  The life I lead. 

xo. Elise