Stages

My roommate and I have been sending texts back and forth that describe what stage we're in.

Some examples:

1. "Finals weeks is actually kind of cool.  I mean, it’s an incredible adrenaline rush.  All you’re supposed to do is take tests and study”
2. “I take back what I said.  Finals weeks is horrible and I hate it.”
3. “Look at how cool I was this semester.  Taking good notes.  Finals aren’t bad”
4. “Why didn’t I take better notes due this lecture?  Finals suck.”
5. “Holy cow, how am I supposed to fit all of this in?
6. “I chose the wrong major”
7. “I’ve wanted to leave my house all day and now I have to and I hate it, ugh final”
8. “Writing literally living the dream in my notebook.”
9. “Wow this practice test when the professor is going through it so easy I could do this by myself for sure”

And as I sit here, I'm in the "really grateful to be here" stage. I've put in a lot of work this semester. And there were difficult days where I could gone the easy route and not studied or read. Yet, I'm sitting here at the end of my fifth semester. I read all of the books. I read the chapters. I bought the books. I prepared the questions. And I am so grateful that I had the resources, time, and support to do all of that. So many things I don't think twice about are big issues for some people. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful for who I've worked hard to become.

So yes, those stages are funny and oh so true, but at the end of the day, I'm just grateful to be living the dream another week.

And I'm off!

This is one of those situations where I decided to ask for forgiveness instead of permission.  I am currently using Anne's laptop because I felt an urge to write down some thoughts before I start globetrotting.

What a life I lead.  Tomorrow I leave for 5 and a half weeks to travel to 11 different countries, 3 different continents, and who knows how many cities.  Sometimes I sit back and I am in shock that this is my life.  This is what I do.  I am that girl who is beyond lucky.  Lucky for this chance.  Lucky for the people in my life who have made it happen.  Lucky for the people who are ok with saying goodbye to me for 5 weeks.  Blessed, blessed, blessed.

People keep reminding me that this is a life-altering trip.  I couldn't agree more.  What I'm going to see and what I'm going to experience is going to fundamentally change me, whether I know it or not.  And I am grateful that I get these next 5 weeks to become whoever I want to be.

I'm starting this trip out with a little infection (nbd) and a little nervousness.  I will find out about my program--end all be all on this trip.  I'm a little sad that I won't be around my people when I get the news, but in a lot of ways I'm grateful that I will be out of the country.  Away from the people who will ask prodding questions.  Away from the business boys who always seem to come into my life at inconvenient times.  And you know what?  Whatever happens, it will be fine.  Maybe Econ is the major for me?   Maybe I will get into all three of the programs I applied for.  Who knows?  Well, Heavenly Father does, and He is so excited for me.  And I'm grateful that I have Heavenly Parents who are thrilled for however things turn out.  I'm grateful that I have earthly Parents who are excited for me either way.  I'm grateful I have a best friend who lets me steal her laptop and lets me cry and laugh.

It's going to be ok.  It's going to be more than ok.  And I'm grateful for that knowledge and that testimony of faith that I have fought on a daily basis for.  I'm grateful for the peace that has come into my life and for the tender mercies that truly are there every single day.

I'm excited to go do something a little crazy and a little wild and a little (read: a lot) out of my comfort zone.  I think it's time I'm pushed.

And I can't wait.

xo. Elise

Into the Fog.

I was driving home from a perfect weekend at home.  It was the first weekend as a family in our new house, and I loved seeing my journals in my closet and books on the shelf.  I could tell my parents really loved it, and the quiet of their neighborhood was so peaceful.

The snowstorm was crazy yesterday, but we woke up to beautiful skies.  The sunrise was beautiful, and as I was driving home, I couldn't help but think about how beautiful the day was.  The sun was shining and the sky was a deep blue.  I love the blue in the wintertime because it seems to have a depth that is missing in the summer.  The inversion was gone, the mountains were smooth with new snow, and it couldn't have been a better winter day. I finally (finally) made my way around the point of the mountain.  I was a little excited because it looked like there were some clouds I was going to drive through, which is always a little fun.

As I continued driving, I realized it wasn't just clouds, but fog.  The entire Utah Valley was covered in fog.  I couldn't see mountains on either side.  I could see a few cars ahead of me and the lines--that was it.  The billboards were barely visible.  I felt like I could have driven all of the way to Vegas and not even known the difference.

It seems like such an apt metaphor for my life right now.  There are so many confusing things swirling around me.  So many fears, insecurities, and worries.  Some exciting things are happening and a lot of adventures.  I can't see much ahead of me.  I don't really know what to expect.

I don't understand weather phenomenas at all, but it made me feel a little better that maybe God had me drive through the fog to get the perfect visual of how I'm feeling.  I was driving through a lot of unclear air, such a contrast to the crystal clear valley behind me.

I don't know how the next few months (days...years...minutes) are going to play out.  And that is something that scares me.  It terrifies me in a way that makes me a little ashamed.  But I also know that Heavenly Father will help me.  It's a belief that I am holding onto so much right now, because that's what it is, a little baby belief that is sustaining me through the fog.

xo. Elise

5%

Last night, 5 percent of me wanted to go to the Testing Center at 8:30 p.m. and take my finance test.  Just ignore the fact that it's supposed to take me three hours (Testing Center closes at ten), and that I hadn't really studied.

The thought of just getting it over was enticing (and still is to be honest).

But that would be a disservice to myself.  Definitely not to my present self.  Current Elise would love that.  But past Elise would be annoyed that she had spent those long hours studying for midterms if I was just going to blow off the final.

Future Elise would be beyond annoyed that I was lazy and didn't try my best.  Future Elise wouldn't want to have to face herself, remembering her commitment to do her best in that class.

And I'm mostly writing this all out so I can remember that commitment.  And so I can do my best.  And so I can put forth some effort.  Because tomorrow it will be done and I will be free.  Tomorrow seems like the longest time away, but 24 hours is ok.  I can do 24 hours.

Right?

Right.

xo. Elise

Finals Week

I just wanted to write a quick note while I'm feeling good.

Can we talk about how cool it is that I get to be in finals right now?  This is something you always hear about.  This was something that Anne always did, not me.  This is something that seemed so impossibly old and grown up.  And now I'm doing it.

I am so grateful I get to call BYU my school.  I'm lucky I have this chance to just study all day.  I'm alone in my apartment this morning, and I love it.  I'm grateful for this chance to listen to the music I want.  I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father.  I think VBA programming is so cool.  I think it's amazing that I have learned so much this semester.  I have done the what if calculator (and panicked fyi).  I've looked at my schedule, and I've been stressed and worried.

But right now?  Finals week is pretty cool.  And I am grateful that I still have hours to study before the actual test, and I'm grateful that I still have time.

This feeling doesn't last forever.  In about an hour when I hit a wall it will be gone, and everything will seem futile.

But, right now?  I lead the coolest life I know.

xo. Elise

Adventure

In some ways life is a lot more exciting when it's rougher around the edges.  When the waters are clear and the sailing is smooth, you loose a certain excitement that should exist.  When you go up against something a little harder and a little more difficult, it makes you gasp and out of breath.  You aren't a hundred percent sure that you can do it, but you're pretty sure you can.  You look across to where you want to be, and you think you can make the jump.

I'm not sure how many cliches I can fit into one paragraph, but life is feeling like an adventure these days.  Something that's grinding me down in an unexpected way and I think we are all a little curious to see the result.

But adventures are fun, not just for the present tingle in anticipation, but also to look back on.  I picked up one of my favorite books, thinking about when I first read it.  The world was cold outside and frozen.  I suddenly found myself longing for those days when I had time to sit in my pajamas and read a good book.

Isn't funny how you're lonely for a time that you hated?  The parts that you didn't expect to ever really miss, but you do.  It's the lonely time in the hotel room, but you miss it anyway.

I'm feeling particularly grateful to be living this adventure today, even if life is hard.  People keep talk to me.  Tests still happen.  I hear stories that make me gasp.  I'm tired and my brain has felt fuzzy all day with very little clarity.

But adventures are kind of fun anyway.

xo. Elise

Mile 7

I ran my third half marathon yesterday, and I am still limping to prove it.  I went into this race fairly calm.  I decided to just think of it as an extra long long run, and it was going to be fine.  Both of my previous half marathons went surprisingly well, I always felt that adrenaline kick, and it was mostly a pleasant experience.

These expectations quickly changed when the first three miles were uphill.  And the next three miles were uphill.  There were some parts on trails.  There were some with little small hills and meandering terrain.  The route went through neighborhoods and backtracked to get the adequate mileage.

And that's when I realized that this was not going to be a normal half marathon for me.  Within the first half mile I crossed the idea of setting a personal record of my list, and I settled for finishing.

During mile 7, I honestly didn't think I could go on.  There was a huge hill.  I have been training on beautifully flat roads for the past 7 months.  I haven't gone up a big hill since April....maybe?  And yes, I cried.  Yep, I walked.  Yes, I turned on my music and turned it up loud.  While I was running, I tried to focus on the strength of who I was running the race for.  I was running for my dad's grandma, the woman I am named after.  I was running for my beautiful sister, who I knew was struggling up the hill somewhere too.  I was running for my inspiring mom who would be waiting for a sweaty hug at the finish line.  I was running for my dad, the person who taught me how to run.

I finally, finally made it past the hard part.  I staggered into the mile 6.7 aid station almost crying and not sure my leaden legs could carry me for 6.4 more miles. I was finally on the downhill when I really started crying.  I looked out on the beautiful golden trees and the beautiful view and I just wanted to quit.  I was exhausted from my week.  I was exhausted from tests and studying.  I was tired of doubting myself.  I was tired of trying so hard and not seeing the results.  I was tired of enduring the middle and feeling exhausted, doubting how much fight I actually had.

And that's when I felt God's presence, right next to me.

And I realized that for life in general, I am at mile 6.7.  I am staggering up the hill, looking for an aid station.  My brain is tired, and I'm not sure how much farther I can go.  I am doubting myself for even trying.  I went into this whole season expecting it to just be an extra long long run.  I hadn't trained for the difficult parts.  I had been coasting.

Let me tell you, mile 6.7 tears you up.  It is making me doubt nearly every move I'm making.  It makes me want to pull the covers over my head and stay there until the middle is resolved and the ending resolute.  It causes every pray I utter to be a plead for peace and a beg for mercy.  And it's easy to feel lost and confused and lonely.

But I'm grateful for the reminder that God will be there, waiting at mile 7 when the mind haze clears enough that I can notice the golden trees.

xo. Elise

Sweet Potato Pancakes

I am probably the least patient cook ever to set foot in the kitchen, especially considering how I can't even wait to make toast.  This can make my cooking escapades fascinating!

And so here is a recipe because I made it all up by myself.  And I think it's a pretty good indicator of life right now.  Also, if you go back in the archives, you will find that I made a sweet potato recipe last year as well.  Clearly I am original and creative with my ingredients.

Sweet Potato Pancakes:

Ingredients:
-1/4 cup of whole wheat flour
-1/4 cup of oatmeal
-1 sweet potato, boiled until soft and can be mashed up like mashed potatoes
-Dash of salt, vanilla, baking soda, baking powder, and cinnamon
-2 teaspoons of brown sugar
-Maybe a teaspoon of olive oil?  (Clearly I measured a lot for this recipe)
-1/2 cup of milk?  Maybe more?  Put as much as you want in to get the consistency you want.
-1 egg

Scoop a 1/4 cup of batter and cook it like a pancake.  Really originally, hehe

*Note: This pancakes were very sweet potato heavy.  They clearly had sweet potatoes in them.  I would say the ratio was 2 sweet potato to 1 part batter.  I would double the flour, oatmeal, and milk if you want a more pancake like texture.  Pour some syrup on and enjoy!

xoxo. Elise

Coming Up for Air

Today you get the privilege of seeing a journal entry of mine.  I'm not always this eloquent, sometimes my journal entries consist of "Today was hard.  Enough said."  But I don't think I could write this better than I already have.

This summer could be chalked up to one where I dropped the ball.  I was whirling so fast from my first year at college that I was shocked into silence when the music stopped mid-twirl.  I could (and have) look back on these months with regret for the days I didn't go outside, the tan I didn't get, and the runs I didn't go on.  In April, I told Heavenly Father over the pulpit that I was going to have faith and trust in His plan.*

*As long as that plan fit into not living at home in Utah all summer.

Ok, I tried to have more faith than that, but I feel like I failed.  I angrily shoved everything in my sister's car and left to go a measly 1.5 hours way.  I look back at this summer and see a girl who tried so hard to stay a girl, but lost herself in the juxtaposition of moving home and tackling grown up situations.  I lost contact with myself and contact with God, and sometimes I'm not sure where either one is hiding.

But I refuse to look back on this summer with regret because regretting time seems like a ship that would capsize my confidence.  Instead, I want to remember it as the summer where I had my first job.  I don't want to forget going on a vacation with Anne for the first time.  I don't want to undermine flying to Pennsylvania by myself three separate times and staying in a hotel room alone.  I don't want my first car accident, second concert, and first road trip swept under the rug in embarrassment.  I want each breakdown recorded, and I don't want my act of rebellion by not going to Church activities to be forgotten or repeated.   I don't want the dozen of hikes I went on with my parents to become obsolete.

This summer has been a brave, hard thing for me to live through for all of these reasons and more.  And I am reaching the point where my head breaks the surface, bringing me to my knees and begging for clean air.

xo. Elise

Summer Edition: Things I learned

It's weird that my summer started clear back in April, and now it's August.  That seems like a ridiculous amount of time.  That's a third of the year, which is basically what my fifth grade summer dreams are made of.  No more two and a half month stints for me.

Things I've learned: I've learned that I really don't like juice and to me it's a waste of calories.  I learned how to drive and park at the airport, by myself (!!!).  I learned how to order room service.  I learned that popcorn can be a great dinner option, but sometimes even two apples and a peach are a-ok.  I learned what SQL is and how to write code.  I learned that I need Mexican food about once a week to feel at peace with the world.  I learned that I can use a pizza stone without burning the house down. I've learned to recognize my talents and admit them.  I realized I don't need to qualify anything.  I've learned that baked onion rings are just as good as fried, which is some of the best news I've heard.  I've learned that taking social media fasts are my jam, but I'm still working out the kinks in my method.  I've learned having a place for everything is really important to me.  I've learned that so many things don't matter anymore after you put a year between them. I've learned to say what I feel and let silence fill in the rest. I've learned that being brave doesn't have to be loud and that no one else needs to think that you were brave.  I've learned that sometimes your fears do come true.  Sometimes they are exactly what you are afraid of, but I've also learned that even if your fears do happen, you are strong enough to live through them.  I've learned that I need to figure out a new goal system.  I've realized I don't like confusing instructions.  I remembered that I really am capable of hard work, and I thrive with it. I've learned that podcasts can be great, and I like the Relevant podcast with an absurdness that is funny even to me.  I realized that summer is always a poor music time for me, and I never find any good songs during the summer.  I've learned how to drive to Anne's new home. I learned what it feels like to visit Logan and go back to see a college roommate.  I've learned that I'm over goodbyes.  I've learned that you have a lot more control over some things than you might think.  I've learned to go to bed, just go to bed.  I've learned that having a pen, post-it notes, a hair thing, and tissues nearby are really great ideas.  I've become a pro at packing a liquid airplane bag.  I've developed a high tolerance for boring things and how to survive. 

I've learned that summer is a time of transition and no longer a time of pool days and lemonade stands.  I've learned that's ok.  It's been a hard summer full of really excellent memories and really great people.  

xo. Elise

When We Were Little

When Anne and I were little, we were each other's best friends.  We played all day and rotated between Barbies, pioneers, boarding school, and off-roading in our Barbie jeep.  There weren't very many kids in our neighborhoods, and playdates were only so often.   So we played together.

Fast forward 15 years, and we are in the same situation.  We have playdates every so often with other people, but we are each other's number one friend these days.  And it's a lot of fun.

This weekend was no different, and we had the best time.  We went to the lake, had our own barbecue (bratwursts, onion rings, watermelon, corn on the cob, and homemade vanilla ice cream), went shopping in Park City, watched some of our favorite movies, went hiking, and went to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants.

It was a great 4th of July.  Isn't it just the best holiday?

We ended the weekend with a late Father's Day dinner for our dad, complete with only two freak outs.  Anne exclaimed she didn't want to finish the potatoes so at least they couldn't be messed up, and I stormed out of the kitchen exclaiming that I hated the cake, the oven, and everything else.  Two meltdowns isn't too bad. :)

xo. Elise

Lately

And what have I been doing with my summer, you may ask?  

I at my first corn dog.  That is exciting and definitely worth documenting.  Corn dogs for all!

I flew to Pennsylvania. 

I started my internship.  

I went to Logan and saw my college roommate.  (Isn't it weird I'm old enough to say I have a college roommate?)

Other things I've been up to: a lot of copying and pasting, listening to Skype calls, a lot of tilting my head in confusion as I try to find the right button or figure out what people mean, a lot of eating good food, a little running, a lot of reading, a lot of dreaming, more praying, a lot of listening to music, a lot of straightening things, a lot Psych reruns, a lot of sleeping, a lot of contemplating, a lot of hiking. 

And it's good.  I look at all my beautiful quotes, all the good ones about living a deep life.  A life full of adventures and new views to look at and new adventures.  This phase of life is a startlingly contrast between the known and the unknown.  It's not what I expected for this phase in my life, even though I'm not sure exactly what this phase would look like.  But I was reminded yet again that there is value in surprising situations, even if the surprise happens in a familiar room with my paper mâché giraffe.  

xo. Elise 

Fast

I decided to make myself go crazy this week.  Because at one point I decided it would be a good idea?  I decided to not watch Netflix, go on social media, read blogs, or eat dessert.  As Anne said, I basically limited myself to reading.  So I've read a lot this week.  

My internship starts next week.  Have I talked about my internship?  It hasn't started, but it's already making me crazy.  I know absolutely nothing about it.  And for someone who likes to know the end before the beginning, this week before it starts will probably be harder than the actually internship.  

I came home from college, still on a high of independence and late nights.  I had studied hard and played hard.  My head was spinning while I tried to squeeze every last thing and everything seemed final and sure.  I somehow thought it would be the last time for this and the last time for that and so I might as well get ice cream and go for it, right?  I let myself go in the thrill of saying goodbye.  

I came home tired of it all.  Tired of feeling so full and so empty at the same time.  I remember reading in one of my current favorite books, Bittersweet by Shauna Niequest.  She talks about when her and husband moved from Chicago to Grand Rapids, they arrived exhausted, full of food, and over-caffeinated.  So when they moved back to Chicago, they decided to do a juice fast to clear their heads.  I don't have a problem with caffeine or the desire to do a juice fast, but I get what it means to  want a clearer head and easier heart.  

I'm realizing what it's like to have a phone that is at 90% battery at the end of the day.  I now know what it's like to not have to charge your laptop every night.  I don't know what is going on with any of my friends.  I don't know who has gotten their mission call or who has left or who had a fabulous adventure in any place.  

I also have no reason to look at any recipes.  I have no plans to make any delicious dessert. I don't scour the internet or my favorite recipe blogs, looking for the perfect combination of ingredients.  I don't laugh over my favorite reruns.  My eyes don't hurt from looking at the screen.

So this 'fast' of mine has been good.  I haven't had any huge revelatory moments about myself.  I haven't connected with myself at a deeper level.  And in the midst of my daily actions, it's hard to think of things to fill the time when I don't fill it with wasting time.  And yesterday it nearly killed me to not have any dessert.  

But I'm doing it.  I have done it for three days.  I've never done that before.  And I am slowly working towards something, which is heartening.  This week has been quiet, and that's ok.  I will be back on the loud train in a few days, but I am grateful to take this week to be calm.  

xo. Elise 

Throwing Up a Gang Sign

It's always a real adventure when you thought that you would be spending your summer abroad in Spain and end up staying in the good ole' N.O.

Frustration and annoyance are not the emotions--that was clear back in March.  It seemed inevitable as one more piece of the puzzle seemed to fall together.  (I like the thought of a puzzle coming together instead of not fitting together).

It's funny though, I somehow knew two weeks ago that I was going to be staying put for the summer. Not going anywhere.  Not living anywhere else.  I knew that this was going to be it.

And I've decided that it's ok.

It isn't as glamorous as living abroad, but there is a time and a place for that.  It isn't as exciting as living in D.C., but sometimes reality is more important, and we are ok with that.  It sometimes felt like an invisible hand was controlling the way these next three months are going to turn out, which is frustrating for a girl who doesn't like anyone planning something without her.

But I feel good.  And I feel safe.  I don't have to hold my breath anymore, regardless of how fun that was.  I was blessed enough to have a great support group at college.  Roommates I got along with, a fun ward, some really good friends.  In some ways, I could never be more myself.  But constantly putting a happy face, an ok face, an 'of course it's going to work out because we can do this face' is sometimes hard.

And I am grateful that I have a spot to perch for a little while.

Gangs and all. :)

xo. Elise

Finals 3&4

The first of my roommates just left.  About 20 minutes ago.  And wow, that's a sobering thought.  I know that this week would be hard, and I was expecting it.  But I didn't expect to feel this uneasy and shocked.

I officially only have one final left.  That's it.  It's my hardest one, so it's going to require studying for three days straight.  Everything is slowly wafting down and coming to a close.

It's terrifying, but still really really good.

Last night my friends and I went to the Cannon Center because Alesha hadn't been this year.  It was pure bliss to not cook anything yesterday or have to do dishes.  Seriously, a burger never tasted so good.  Also, the frozen yogurt was some of the best I've had.  Ever.

Anyway, I am done with 5/6 of my finals.  And things are working out.  I'm feeling settled, but still sad.  There is that tendril inside of me that keeps reminding me that this is it.  This is my last Saturday, here, in this bedroom.  And wow, it's all sorts of crazy to think that.

It's embarrassing how many plates we had + how long it took us to get the self-timer right.  

We were walking home, and wow, the lighting was perfect.  This year has been so beautiful.  

A selfie to prove that yes, I am surviving.  Not exactly getting ready, but details. 

To be completely honest, I am not loving this stage right now. I don't love finals.  I don't love saying goodbye.  I don't love leaving.  The only thing that is making it semi ok is Park City next week.  But this week is still going to be hard.  And Monday, so help me, is going to be awful.  

Cheers for almost being done with finals.  2 Timothy 1:7 is my mantra, and I've been writing it on my scratch paper for every test. 

xo. Elise 

Finals Day II

I am officially done with half of my finals, and finals week officially starts tomorrow.  Yes, yes I know.  I'm lucky, but also very tired and exhausted already.

Today was not a day for studying.  Today was a day for trying to get all of the forms correct and all of the reviews completed while getting up early to take a final that wasn't even posted.

Honestly, nothing went according to my calendar.  Absolutely nothing.

Which is intensely irritating and stressful.

Some days are like that and you are just grateful for the free doughnuts from the Residence
Association.

Because it seemed like a beautiful day on campus, even if the rest wasn't great.  

Last time grocery shopping with this roommate of mine.  Definitely bittersweet.  

Good luck everyone.  Hope tomorrow is better. 

xo. Elise 

Finals Week: Day 1

If we are dealing with technicalities, finals week doesn't officially start until Friday.  But by the time Friday rolls around, I will have taken half of my finals already.  Perks of being able to take finals on exam prep days.  

Downside of taking finals on exam prep days?  You don't really ever have a 'breathing' day.  A day that you don't have to take a test.  

But I'm hoping to finish finals a few days early, so I can't complain too much.  

It's exhausting to live through this week.  You are constantly studying.  I can't even tell you how many people have said, "I just can't study anymore.  There is just so much."  

And we're on day one.  

On an annoying note, it snowed today.  In all seriousness, with no exaggeration, it has snowed more during the April finals week than the December one.  And I brought all of my cute sweaters and boots home, because who needs them in April? 

I do, apparently.  

Today consisted of studying.  Studying.  Studying.  Being bored.  Studying.  

Five more days. 

xo. Elise 

The Arrival of March

I am happy to report that March has finally arrived, in so many different forms.  I woke up happy today, and I realized that peace has settled in my life.  I have a plethora of pictures to show, which I think shows a really happy life.  Brace yourself.  (Seriously, brace yourself.  It's a deluge of pics).

First up, my very first concert.  Wahoo!  My friends and I went to a Matt Kearney concert on Friday, and it was so much fun! We made a trip of it and went to Salt Lake for a few hours beforehand, and it was just the perfect evening. 

A post-concert picture was required.  Those boys were standing in front of us, and Hannah fell in love with the guy with the USU shirt.  We could have sworn they choreographed their dance moves together before the concert, and we all decided they were perfect together.  (Don't ask about the blue hair.  Apparently that is a thing people do for school pride.  Weird). 

While shopping we randomly ran into some friends from high school, and it turned out that they were going to the concert as well!  We met up for ice cream afterwards, and it was so much fun catching up with these cute girls.  

Isn't this just the cutest picture of my cute friends? (I find myself morphing into them as I talk about these pictures. hehe).  I am learning more and more from them that every opportunity is a chance to take a 'cute pic.'

Another selfie because it's cute, we look happy, and that's all the reasons I can think of. 

And this makes me equally happy and equally sad.  My roommate got called to go to Ecuador on her mission.  It was a busy weekend, but I took a moment to appreciate my friendship with this girl.  I'm lucky to have so many amazing girls in my life.  

Attention:  this is Mindy Gledhill's bus!  We didn't actually go to the concert, but a cute bus means a cute pic is in order.  We went for shakes after stake conference last night.  We decided it looked like we were in a boy band, which resulted in my double posting on Instagram.  Shocking.  

We got shakes with pudding in them.  Not a bad invention.  But the best part was singing, laughing, and dancing with everyone.  (Even though I'm sure everyone that walked by thought it explained why we were all single girls).  

Self-timer and a cute door.  Just the usual college freshman.  

We got done with church at 12 instead of 5:30 today (best Sunday ever).  And the weather was warm.  So we went on a picnic, ate sandwiches, and talked about summer.  (Isn't it crazy to think how it's time to talk about summer??)

Me and Sam accidentally matched today, so we took a picture, resulting in us thinking that it's the cutest pic we have together.  

I've been thinking a lot lately about where I want my life to go, and how this semester is shaping up for me.  I'm realizing that my life is full of so many amazing people and experiences.  I also realized that I need to push myself a little more.  I'm realizing that today is a great day to get stuff done, not tomorrow and not next week.  I only have four weeks of class yet, and my heart is breaking a little when I think of how my freshman year is going to be done.  But more than that, I'm feeling grateful that I have four more weeks + finals to live this life that I have.  

xo. Elise (thanks for bearing with me and letting me show all of the photos.  I know that was a lot).  

Short Hair, Kind of Care

Just so Mom and Dad are warned, my hair is short.  Shorter than it's probably been in years.  Probably since 6th grade.  And it's been throwing me off, kind of a lot.  Short hair whhaaaaatt? 

I know that this picture probably isn't the best representation to show the length, but a selfie is as good as it's going to get.  

I've realized that it's just one more part of my identity that has kind of disappeared at college, which I guess is ok. Hair can grow back. (Right????) 

This week has been decently hard.  And it's only Tuesday. Woowwwww.  I am so glad that I'm going home this weekend.  I'm glad to get out of these four walls of my dorm and campus.  

I had something deeper to say.  But I can't remember.  Homework does that to you.  

But I'm noticing the little things because that's what is making me get through today. 

-Pandora killed it today.  Seriously, as dumb as it sounds, I feel like that was how Heavenly Father showed that He cared about me.  I had two songs come on today that was just so perfect.  

-I made a small-batch of chocolate, chocolate-chip cookies.  They made four cookies, and it was perfect.  They were really good. 

-I got a hundred percent on my humanities quiz.  A five question quiz.  That I could have taken twice.   But still! 

-I said no today to something that I could have done.  But I said no.  And that was slightly liberating. 

-I made a panini with sautéed onions, cheese, and raspberry chipotle sauce (thanks Dad!).  And it was so good. 

Anyway, my hair is shorter than I like.  Sooooo many things are bugging me.  Like, a lot.  I also feel like my writing has been blocked lately, which is really frustrating to me.  Really frustrating to me.  So I'm grateful I could write this at all and feel like it's my voice.   

But it's ok because we are searching for goodness, right? 

xo. Elise 

Lately

This semester has wings of its own and is flying faster than I can keep track of weekends.  So here are some thoughts because I actually have time to write them down. 

Oreo crust, layer of peanut butter, chocolate, marshmallows roasted in the broiler, and chopped up Reese's.  S'moreo bars.  A Pinterest masterpiece and as yummy as you would expect.  Wow.  

Homemade facials.  A friend said it looked like we had warts.  We felt like our skin was exfoliated.  Funny sidetone: we had a little leftover facial mixture....so we froze it.  Because who wouldn't want a defrosted homemade facial on those lonely Friday nights.  Who knew what we were thinking.  

This was one of my favorite creamery runs.  I needed these girls like nothing else this night and my ice cream flavor choices were on point.  The creamery guy flirted outrageously with me, almost convincing me to get pineapple sherbet instead of marion berry chip.  Marion berry chip was delicious though, and I don't regret my decision at all.  

I'm sorry but these email so so cool to me.  I wrote it.  And it was sent out, looking as official as all get-out.  My advisor said it was the best email he had ever seen, which I feel might be an exaggeration, but I'll take the compliment.  

Academic banquet when I was feeling sicker than a dog.  My roommate was so funny though and exclaimed, "Look, we're eating off of actual BYU plates."  They had the speaker before dinner, which was weird and made me grouchy, but overall it was a fun adventure.  

Life doesn't ever seem to slow down, which I guess is a good thing.  But, I am going to take this night where I don't have to work on any homework and enjoy it.  

xo. Elise