Miscellaneous

I've been contemplating the word 'enough' lately.  I partly wonder why whatever I accomplish, whatever I do, however I look never seems enough.  You know?  If I receive one honor, I wonder why I didn't get the other.  Or why I only won by so much, not more.  However, when it comes to running, or other things that are good for me, 'good enough' comes up far more quickly than my actual limit.  Also, can someone explain why I can't seem to grasp how much dessert is enough?  My tummy can only handle so much.

Also, today was a day that I became a runner.  I've been thinking about that lately, and how it doesn't seem like I'm a runner yet.  I even talked about it last night, how yes, I may be running a lot, but I don't feel like I'm a runner.  Today I crossed that invisible line.  It didn't happen when I was blow drying my sweaty hair so I could go hang out with my friends.  It didn't happen when I ran so quickly and so far that I was all used up.  Instead, it happened on my morning run in the blistering heat with an annoying water bottle carrier, sweat dripping everywhere, and my refusal to stop running.  Today I became a runner.

I also am figuring out more and more why Heavenly Father is providing this summer for me.  I think partly is I need to learn how to be happy, just for the sake of being happy.  I think about my dad, how he is a happy guy.  He always reminds me to be happy because life is pretty great.  I think about the moment a few weeks ago, when I was eating lunch with my mom, and she said she didn't want to change a thing about her life.  For her, that moment was perfection.  So I'm thinking.  Maybe this summer I need to figure out how to be happy, just because.

It's been relieving to give myself permission to relax this summer.  Finally giving myself permission.  I know that there will be a lot of hard moments ahead, I've got that.  I know that I will question myself and my worth, considering I don't have a whole lot going on.  I know that there will be some days that I just want to give up and cry when I think about how much summer I have left.

But I am so thankful for right now.  My family is going to be having so many changes coming up, and sometimes when I think about moving out, I just want to cry.  (And it's not just because I'm going to miss the nice kitchen appliances and laundry that is folded on my bed).  It's scary. I'm glad that I have this summer to enjoy the time with my family.  To be calm enough to enjoy these last two months at my house.  Before I move on.

xo. Elise