Covered

I realize when you're stressed, all of sudden life becomes about you.  You have the hardest life, hardest schedule, hardest tests.  It is solely from your stressed out perspective.  I've had years where I live faithfully to that perspective.  It's not fun, but you also learn a lot about yourself.

Because I've been stressed this week, things have been a little more about me.  I'm getting a lot done, but it's still hard.

Someone said something in passing to me.  Something I'm sure they didn't mean to be pointed and it was someone who would never dream of hurting my feelings.  But it did seem pointed.  And it did hurt my feelings.  And it caused me to feel shame.  You know the shame.  The shame of not doing it all and never quite being righteous, good, smart, planned, prepared, kind enough.

I knelt down in prayer because I needed some serious help to get over it.  I don't have room to feel hurt and sad (read: it's not on my calendar).  I was really getting into a self-righteous mood about how self-righteous this person was, when I realized that Someone already took care of it.  Someone has suffered for my bruised feelings.  Someone has suffered for the stab of pain I felt and the inadequacy I felt.  Someone knows what it feels like to feel that shame.  Someone knows what it feels like to feel regret.  Someone already knows how it feels.

At the same time, Someone knows how it feels to sin.  Someone suffered for the pointed comment that hurt my feelings.  Someone already atoned for their mean phrase, a phrase that probably wasn't supposed to hurt as much as it did.

And I realized that Christ is really the one who has the hardest week.  And the hardest schedule. And the hardest tests.  And the hardest life.  Because He suffered for my pain, He also suffered for the one who hurt my feelings.  He's suffered everything.  While I only carry half the load, He carries it all.

And I am grateful for that.  I am grateful Someone is taking care of the girl who feels raw from studying, who can't sleep, and who is exhausted from next week already.

It's all covered.

xo. Elise