Super Proud

Been reflecting on this semester, and I know I mentioned this, but it's been a hard one.  I started out this semester determined to have a good beginning of 2017.  2016 ended in some difficult, lonely ways and I wanted it to be better.  And January was a pretty good month.

But then February spiraled out of control real fast.  And March was just slogging through.  And I could swear it's been April forever.

And to be honest, in a lot of ways my life seems to have unraveled in a way that seems impossible to fix.  I know part of that is because of the slog of never-ending finals week (it has been finals week for a month in case anyone is wondering).  But I feel raw.  There are too many things that I need to fix, and it's exhausting.  I don't have the emotional or physical energy to fix anything.

Unexpectedly, a friend dropped off a picture of me from my 21st Golden Birthday party.  And I look so happy in it.  I look beautiful.  I look like I'm on top of the world.

I haven't felt that way since...well it feels like since that party.

But my word this year is hopeful.  And I'm hopeful that things are going to get better, even if by small degrees.  I'm hopeful that I will go back to being on top of the world and feeling like I'm going somewhere, not just spinning my wheels.  I'm hopeful that I will have the energy to try again, in so many different ways.

And when I look back at this semester, I'm still really proud of myself.  I rocked my case presentations.  I did a good job with visiting teaching.  I wrote thank-you notes.  I texted people good luck and followed-up.  I cooked a little bit more.  I did well on tests, even when it was not a good weekend.  I still consistently showed up.  And even though showing up didn't seem that successful this semester, I'm super proud I did.

xo. Elise