The smell of scotch tape.

I wanted to entitle this post 'sharpened pencils,' but then I realized I did that last year.  So I will go with the other You've Got Mail reference.  Scotch tape.

I started a Pinterest board with the title 'Sharpened Pencils.'  I started it earlier in the summer when things felt like a possibility.  When school was exciting (ish) and I was in shock that I was going to be a senior.  I'm still in shock that I am going to be a senior, but it's harder now.  All of my insecurities are rising to the surface and I can barely stay afloat in between gasps for air.

I want this year to be better.  I feel like I have learned so much this summer I need a break from all of my learning.  But that's the thing, life is a strict teacher and you can't avoid her lessons.  Last year was...interesting.  Interesting in the way that I realized who I was, and I now realize how hard it is to change.

I want to be myself so much this year that it's difficult to even know where to begin.  How do you get to be yourself?  How can you teach yourself to be yourself?  How can you teach something that you have to learn first?

I feel like everyone is excited for this year, and to see everyone, but me?  I would much rather continue to eat myself sick with my sister on Friday nights and go on all-day shopping trips.  I would much rather be in France eating a macaroon and having my jaw drop at the Cathedral.  I would much rather talk to people and recognize myself.