Letting it slip.

Today was an....interesting day for me.  Honestly, it was one of those days that I realized in the very depths of my soul that I had to let something go.  This situation has been bothering me for a while, but I can't do it anymore.  I cannot continue to smile and act like it's ok.  Because it's not ok.  It's not normal. It's not nice.  And it's not helping me be the person that I want to be.

Change is always a little difficult isn't it?  Even the best change is hard and it requires some effort.   It requires some letting go and letting be.  Letting yourself be.  It requires you to move on.  And moving on is oh so difficult isn't it?

I really truly honestly fully want to be the person I want to be.  I want to achieve my goals.  And I want to be who I am, not anybody else.  Something that I'm learning, and something that I wished I had learned a while ago, was that I selfishly need to do things for me.  If I want to do something, it needs to be because I like it.  This doesn't mean that I can't help anyone, but every decision I make...every decision I devote myself to...every thing I spend my time on needs to happen because it will help me to achieve my end goal, to be happy.  I need to accomplish things that make me happy.  Because I truly believe that when I am happy, I am a much better friend, leader, daughter, sister, leader, club president, student, individual, follower of Christ, God's child.  I am a much better me, and because of that I can truly help those around me.  Isn't that what we want?  To help people?  To fix things? To make things pretty and better and cleaner and nicer?  To soothe the tears and strengthen the weak limbs? I know that is exactly what I want.  I want to be of service.

I know I can't be the best Elise if I am still hauling around the chains that hold me down.  I know that I can't move past the 17 year old version of Elise if I don't do things to break past my limitations.  I know I can't improve if I can't just LET IT GO.  Let it all just slip through my fingers...let it all of those chains formed link by link through insecurity and fear and harshness and falseness just crumble.

If I can't just let it slip through and let it be free.

xo. Elise