Frustration and annoyance are not the emotions--that was clear back in March. It seemed inevitable as one more piece of the puzzle seemed to fall together. (I like the thought of a puzzle coming together instead of not fitting together).
It's funny though, I somehow knew two weeks ago that I was going to be staying put for the summer. Not going anywhere. Not living anywhere else. I knew that this was going to be it.
And I've decided that it's ok.
It isn't as glamorous as living abroad, but there is a time and a place for that. It isn't as exciting as living in D.C., but sometimes reality is more important, and we are ok with that. It sometimes felt like an invisible hand was controlling the way these next three months are going to turn out, which is frustrating for a girl who doesn't like anyone planning something without her.
But I feel good. And I feel safe. I don't have to hold my breath anymore, regardless of how fun that was. I was blessed enough to have a great support group at college. Roommates I got along with, a fun ward, some really good friends. In some ways, I could never be more myself. But constantly putting a happy face, an ok face, an 'of course it's going to work out because we can do this face' is sometimes hard.
And I am grateful that I have a spot to perch for a little while.
Gangs and all. :)
xo. Elise
No comments:
Post a Comment