Goodbyes

As I was driving home today, I realized I am anxious to get to a spot in my life that is settled.  A slightly preposterous thing to want since I am in a time where nothing in my life is settled.  I have too many transitions to count coming up in the next few years, and right now, that is disheartening.

I really would like to just have a friend stay, instead of leaving.  I would really like to not have to say goodbye to myself every couple of months, as a new Elise parades in with the old insecurities and familiar fears, yet a completely different reaction to everything else.  I would appreciate just being able to go and see the cherry tree in my backyard, without remembering how much everything has changed since last year--probably the biggest change being that we don't have a cherry tree in our backyard anymore.

Sometimes the idea of new new new is enticing and intoxicating.  I have so many relationships in my life that I would love to let just slip and disappear.  Clean slates have always been my favorite, and I love seeing the fresh new start.

But right now I'm mostly just sad that my friend is leaving me, yet again.  And the same old goodbye routine isn't fun or exciting anymore.  And it mostly just makes me grumpy.

xo. Elise