Random Guy from Smith's

I went grocery shopping yesterday and was perusing the aisles for a mason jar.  I pop out of an aisle to hear a friendly, "Hi, how are you?"  I look up startled and see an older gentleman.  I smile tentatively and say that I'm doing great.  He asks me if I go to BYU, and again I respond tentatively.  He proceeds to tell me how he got his doctorate from BYU and just retired at 65.  He told me if I keep working hard, it will pay off.  He finished his speech by telling me that he was proud of me.  I said thanks and walked away with a lighter heart.

Thank you kind gentleman.  Although I was a little apprehensive at the beginning, the random guy from Smith's made my whole day.  Someone was proud of me.  I won't see him ever again, but his nice words made me smile.  And it reminded me that yes, I do accomplish things that are really impressive.  And I am doing things that I should be proud of.

As I talked to so many different freshman today, I felt overwhelmed as all of my doubts seemed to surface.  I thought being the mentor in this situation would make me feel better, but it was still hard!  People were asking me questions that I had no idea how to answer.  I am good at coming up with decent answers, but at the core I was convinced that they would know I was a fraud.

Feeling like a fraud is not a foreign feeling to me.  I don't think it's an uncommon feeling for anyone. I'm not sure why I felt insecure about a bunch of first year students.  I don't understand why they seemed calm, cool, and collected when I just felt insecure.  However, looking back, my jokes, smiles, and questions to keep the conversations going seemed to portray a pretty confident manner.

We are just constructing these facades to make us feel better.  And at least we are all insecure together.

xo. Elise