Happy Birthday (and a no)

Today is my dad's birthday, and part of me really misses the days when I knew I was going to have a Killer Burger tonight, followed up with some deliciously rich chocolate cake.  We would all sing happy birthday, and I would give my dad a hug, feeling safe like I always do when I hug him.  We would have laughed and snitched a few of his favorite almond M&M's away from him, pretending that they are basically a health food.  I would look at his new piece of fishing equipment and try to figure out what it was used for.

Those were good days, and I miss the Elise that I was and that time in my life.

I also realized this today that there are some things that you just have to let go.  I didn't realize that perfectionism is still a thing for me.  In high school it meant that I was getting a hundred percent and taking first.  In college, it's much larger than that.  I want to be the perfect roommate, friend, student, disciple of Christ, hostess, group member.  I want to be clean, fit, healthy, gentle, kind, thoughtful.   I want to be the girl that is satisfied and that can somehow make it all work.

And I realized today that I'm not that girl.  I have some brilliant flashes, and those are the things I crave.  But it's just not realistic.  And that is ok.  And I want to do a better job of letting go of the guilt that comes with it.  I need to do a better job of acknowledging I can't do it all.  And I need to get used to saying no.  NO.  Revolutionary, isn't it?

So I'm saying no to guilt and to that pesky voice that tells me I can do it all.  Really just the voice that keeps telling me that I should be doing everything, in order to be anything.  Because that is a lie.  And I believe in honesty.

Anyway, thought process complete.

Happy Birthday, Dad.  So blessed to have you in my life!

xo. Elise

I LOVE this picture of my dad and me!