The Good Life

My word for this year is faith.  And my faith has taken an interesting journey this year.  It started out with me living like a clenched fist.  I couldn't let anything go and I grasped everything I could and held it tight.  I feel myself evolving.  I am trying harder to play catch.  I'm trying harder to compact my feelings and just chuck it up to heaven.  Sometimes it feels like things slip through my fingers, or I didn't make my ball tight enough, and things come crashing back down and fall right on my head.  I think I sometimes keep those insecure and scared feelings around because they give me a sense of control.  I feel like I can handle something if I worry about it.  Stressing about it makes me feel productive.  Feeling insecure makes me feel humble.  And I hope that one day I can really work on those feelings, but for now acknowledging that is a big enough deal that it's ok.

And now my faith is evolving to a point where I am trying to have the best of perspectives.  I'm trying to have the view of the long term. The longest of terms.  But I also just want to take a nap.

Camille is visiting for the weekend.  And it's probably stupid, but I just keep wanting to tell her over and over again how excited I am that she's here.  It's been so interesting seeing my worlds collide, but I'm mostly just happy she's here.  Anne came down last night and we went to dinner and shopping.  You know those people that know what your favorite dress-up costume was and which Polly Pocket you always played with?  Sometimes it feels really good to spend some time with those people.

I guess this is all to say that sometimes I get really really scared, but it's ok.  And that fear doesn't have to suffocate me anymore.  And I have enough really good people in my life to help when I'm feeling particularly scared.

This truly is the good life.