Planner

I usually bear my testimony every month, but this month I was terrified to get up there.  Terrified because I was going to get up there and vaguely talk about how I didn't really have faith.

Background.

I am a planner.  The plan every single hour kind of person.  The person who likes to know how many intervals she has to run before she starts. I like planning out what I'm doing next summer.  Before I went to college, I wrote down what I wanted to do each semester and each summer.

Since school started, I've been trying to make a plan.  I've been trying to listen to my Father and make decisions that will put me in the best position for my future.  Consulting?  Law school?  Non-profit work?  M.B.A.? M.P.A.?  Never finish school (ok, that's not a real option, but tempting with two midterms coming up this week).

And nothing is working.  I haven't gotten an answer for anything.  And it's frustrating and scary and similar to throwing up.

And I announced over the pulpit that I am kind of doubting Heavenly Father and His ability to come up with a plan that works for me.  Because from my perspective, nothing seems to be working.

But then I finished with the fact that He has proven me in the past.  He has come through for me in ways I can't describe and in moments when I needed Him most.  And I told my friends and my ward members that that was enough.  It's enough for me right now.  And I am so grateful for a God that has provided me with experiences in the past that have made this scary moment a little less scary.

A member of the bishopric came up later and told me that he had been thinking of my testimony all day.  He explained that he wasn't a planner, and he imagined it must be very scary for a planner and stressful (yup, it is). He then said to not stress and not worry, something I can't help but think is very easy for a non-planner to say.  Another girl came up to me and explained that God speaks in stories and things will work out.  Laura told me that she had a similar experience in her life, and that God had a big answer for her.

All of these things reminded me that even if my plan isn't working out so great, I have great people in my life.  Thanks Mom and Dad for all of those reminders that eternal perspective is important and that God is the best storyteller.

Cheers to writing a story, when the only ending you know is that everything is going to be ok.

x.o.  Elise