Things ahead are far better.

Hearing no is never fun.  Unless the sentence that follows includes "no class on Tuesday."

I heard a no this week that has made me pause, for the briefest of moments.  Pause and evaluate how my heart was feeling and how everything was interacting with my head and my dreams.  The no wasn't as devastating as I anticipated.  It is definitely survivable, like no's always are.  So yes, I'm ok.

I have been thinking about my future, well, forever.  But particularly this next little while.  This next summer.  This after college life, which really will come faster than I want.  And I have been a little lost, because nothing seems exciting or easy.  Nothing is working out in a way that makes it obvious.

Having this internship would have been a beautifully packaged, nicely wrapped YES.  I could have slipped from internship to full-time to grad school to yes yes yes with very little thought.  I could entered a profession that is notoriously hard and difficult.  I could have made an incredible amount of money.  I could have been checking all of the boxes that everyone around me seems to shove in my face.

But I think I would have lost myself in the midst of that.  Part of me knows I'm not quite qualified for that type of job.  And the other part of me knows that I am not that type of person.  I don't know how else to describe it other than I don't think I can even be that type of person.

And honestly?  I'm disappointed.  I'm not exactly thrilled, but I am trying to do a better job of viewing this no more as an answer from God.  I've asked him over and over again for direction in my life, so I don't think I should be frustrated when He responds, even if the answer is a no.

Before I found out the actual news, but just had an inkling, I thought about this Mormon message.  I was annoyed I even got the first round interview.  I was frustrated that I spent so much time preparing for something that didn't even work out.  I am still mad.  I'm annoyed at the recruiting events I went to.  I'm annoyed at the scary things I put myself through this past week.  I'm frustrated with what seems like wasted time.

But I'm reminding myself that Heavenly Father found the easiest way to direct me.  He gave me the blessing of a first round interview.  He let me do the scary things, and helped me with it throughout it all.  And for whatever reason, my road was a no.  A quick direction change.

Just a little transfer.

xo. Elise