Second Week of November

I've been feeling so incredibly stuck lately.  Stuck in my old habits.  Stuck with my old people.  Stuck with no real dreams and nothing really pushing me.  I listen to the same music.  I am working on the same project for work since August.  I don't have any new foods to make.  I wear the same things, it feels like every day.  I talk about the same things, usually what I feel stuck about.  Even the weather is the same, this beautiful, perfect, aggravating too hot and then too cold weather.  Everything just seems so similar and boring and routine and forever.

And when I think about my life, duh.  I'm 3/4 way through the semester.  I'm in the boring and uninteresting work of finishing up midterms and trying to play catch up on all of those final projects that I supposedly have to work on all semester.  I haven't had a break since Labor day (you know...the first weekend in September, which seems like a lifetime ago).  People are bitter and angry about the election.  There seem to be more broken hearts than success stories.  The sun sets at 2:00 in the afternoon.  I'm not actively looking for an internship anymore.  I'm frustrated.

And it's oh so easy to define myself by this feeling.  By these failings that seem to follow me.  The girl who has bypassed reading interesting things.  The person who doesn't seem to have interesting thoughts.  The one that is forgotten by her old friends and who sits and does homework. all. day. long.
I'm not saying that routine is the hardest parts of life.  And there are some days that I am so profoundly grateful for this routine of mine, where I'm in a program I want, with all of my family safe and sound.  I have friends who chat with me.  I have goals.  I have hope for the future.

And then there are other Thursdays where the thought of reading three chapters for my business law class seems monumentally difficult, and I'm feeling good to get through a single page.

I saw a friend who I hadn't seen in a while.  I walked right up to him, gave him a hug, and started chatting.  He looked at me, surprised, and said you look so happy!  What's your secret?  Your major definitely agrees with you!

When he said that, I had just come from a stressful class after turning in a project that made me seriously consider my major choice.

But you know, there are some days where you do nail it.  And your outfit is on point.  And there are some days where your major does agree with you.

I'll take that (small) victory, thank you very much.  And run with it (except probably not literally because I'm still reveling in the fact that I no longer have to run).

Hang in there during the second week of November when you feel cemented in up to your knees with obligations, assignments, and that one last midterm that makes you roll your eyes.

xo. Elise