I see you.

Last summer I got so used to standing in line for customs and always knowing where my passport was.  I listen to coworkers lament their Airbnb and try to muster sympathy, but really just think how lucky they were to actually go to Amsterdam.  People around me seem to be taking flight in every sense of the word.  And I am feeling stuck and scared and trapped by walls that seem to be getting higher every day.

And that's not to say that there are good things.  I have some new work projects which are fine.  I drink Diet Coke, which still makes me feel like a rebel.  I have plenty of time to listen to music, any music, and all the music I want.  I have a window seat in my temporary room that helps.

A friend told me today that she's sorry it has been a rough season for me lately.  And that meant the world to me just to have someone say, yep, I see you.  I see your pain.

And I never realized how important that was for someone to recognize it.

I have been trying hard for the past few months to recognize the good.  My journal entries literally consisted of, "well today was crappy again, but I'm going to keep writing the good things."  It's a little embarrassing how often Diet Coke or ice cream made the list, but sometimes I was (am?) grasping at straws.  This type of entry happened several days in a row.  It was a fully established pattern because I was trying so hard to see. the. good. things.

And yes, good things keep coming.  Of course they do.

But for all of those people who would just like a phase to breathe, I get you.  And I see you.  And I'm sorry that this season of life has been so hard.