Bargain

I'm at the stage where you're mildly convinced that the perfect dress will actually set your life back in order.  And that when it comes in the mail, you will be at that stage of everything you wanted.

This is not a good stage to be in because the dress comes in the mail and you wear it for one Sunday, and then you're confused that your life problems aren't magically solved and you still are lost and are unsure of what to do with your life.   You thought that instead of just exchanging money and time for a cute new dress, that you were actually exchanging your insecurities, hopelessness, and trepidation for the future a piece of clothing that would come in three to five business days.

And you look at another dress in your closet, still with tags on it, and wonder why it didn't make you feel better.  And now you are going to look into the times of the post office so you can return said dress with the tags still on it and buy this other dress, the dress you're certain will make you feel better.  And think about how festive this new dress would be for Fourth of July!

I'm not sure if everyone else has this cycle.  Or if I'm just the lucky one, hence why my dress consumption has increased in the recent months.  But here we are, with several new dresses in the closet and my insecurities still loud and clear.

And I'm not saying I'm not going to return that other dress and buy this new dress.  But I am saying that sometimes you bargain for things, hoping that it will make you feel better.  Because you haven't felt better in a while.  And it kind of makes you want to cry, but you also have been having a better last 24 hours, so you're going to hold onto that.

xo. Elise