Letting it Go.

Last summer, my friends and I went around and answered the question of what we would do if we weren't scared.

Most of the boys said they would ask more girls on dates (eye roll).  I said that I would say no more often and cut my hair.

I've had long hair since I was in sixth grade?  It just grew and grew and grew.  It was part of who I was.  Long brown hair....it's progressively gotten shorter over the years, an inch here and there.

I've realized that when I go back in the fall, I don't want to want to be the same person who left.  There were so many parts of me that weren't working anymore.  There were so many parts of me that no longer were who I wanted to be.  And I have a lot of work until to do before I go back in the fall.

But, I cut my hair.  I cut it because I needed something to change.  I needed to let go of that fear.  I needed to let go of everyone's expectations.  And I know it's drastic to say that all of people's expectations were tied up in my hair, but it mostly felt like it.

I am having a slight identity crisis because for whatever reason, my hair has been a part of me for a while.  But I think feeling a little panicky about who I am and what I want to be is good.

So here's to shorter hair and lighter expectations.  Here's to trying again.  Here's to reading scriptures on forgiveness, and trying to figure out how to forgive everyone back home and figuring out how to forgive myself.  Here's to letting go of previous definitions of myself.