Half-Baked

A little starved for conversation over here, thank you very much, thus a stream of consciousness is coming your way.

I got back from a weekend in New York, and I decided I was ready to go home.  Not because I wanted to retreat back to my parents house (hello, what I've been wanting to do all summer), but because I was ready to live real life again.  This past weekend I was with people doing similar things, believed similar things, there were guys I could date.  It made me miss BYU fiercely, something that I haven't necessarily done in a while.  It made me miss being in college, while at the same time freaking me out about the future.  I'm scared that next semester will be hard in a way last semester was.  I'm scared about post-grad.  If BYU is so much fun and working full-time is so not as fun, then what?  Fears regardless, I was thinking, yep, very ready to go home.  I've been here for 5 weeks (and please, no one say, wow 5 weeks already that's gone so fast!  Every day has been felt, people).  And that's halfway and I'm thinking COOL.  This adventure has been good.  I've forgiven people, gotten some distance from last semester, I'm ready to go back.

In the wise part of my heart, I know that I would be going home only halfway done.  I wouldn't be done with this summer.  I feel a little silly typing this because so many other people have internships, and there is no way that a summer job means this much, right?  But, I can't help but feel like this summer is so very purposeful.  And not just 5 weeks purposeful but the whole freaking 10 weeks purposeful.  I came back from this weekend where I actually had friends and wondered why I was here...where I have some casual lunch buddies.

And I couldn't help but feel that I need this time to be by myself.  I'm not sure why, but that feeling is there.  I need to be here to give myself some space.  I need to give my brain and my heart some time to think about where I was going and what I want.  There have been so many surprising thoughts since moving out here.  There have been a lot of ideas that I didn't consider possible.  There have been feelings and emotions and shifts that I know need to happen.

And even though an internship may be happening to a lot of other people, only one internship is happening in PA to a girl from UT.  And God is the most purposeful Being I know of.  And if I feel like this is an important and critical place in my life, that it most certainly is.

So, I'm not going to buy a plane ticket home.  I'm not going to runaway to New York or Iceland or Utah.  I'll stay here for 26 more working days and 37 normal days (psh I mean who is even counting 🙋🏻)

Xo. Elise