The Right Thing

And as I come to an end of my college career, I wonder, is this how I wanted it to end?  These four years?  Are they what I’ve wanted for myself?  The opportunity cost of accepting the scholarship meant that I didn’t give myself an option to change my mind.  I couldn’t change my major.  I couldn’t choose my summer plans.  I couldn’t give an option of what I wanted to do for these four years. In exchange, I’ve been able to go to the grocery store without thinking. I can buy the shirt or the ice cream.  I can rest easy during recruiting time.  I don’t have to apply or interview with the highest of expectations.  I haven’t even had to think about my summer plans because they are already decided for me.  As I go forward to graduate school, I don’t have to worry as much about money because it’s already there.  And when doing the cost benefit analysis, I would do it again.  I 100% would apply for this scholarship again.  I would stress about the strategy program all over again.  I would have that summer in West Chester x2.  I would work at Lucid.  I would do the interviews and move out to Pennsylvania where I don’t know a soul except for guy I went on several dates with.  I would do the past 3 years, 100% the same.  And that gives me a lot of hope.  A lot of hope that things don’t happen accidentally and even if a lot of decisions were sub-conscious, I would make those decisions consciously again. 

And I remember reading the scholarship email, that email that seems to have changed my life in so many ways I didn’t expect.  I remember reading it at my desk in my dorm room; initially thinking it was a scam.  I thought it was one of those emails you get all of the time promising a lot of money.  I talked to my mom about it, and she seemed to think it was a good idea.  I did the phone interview and was late for my philosophy class.  I remember deciding what to wear for the interview and getting my purse strap trapped underneath the chair.  I remember walking in Target, getting the email that they were going to wait to tell me until Sunday.  I remember getting the phone call, finally, Sunday night.  I remember taking a deep breath and saying hello.  From the way he was talking, I didn’t think that I had gotten it.  And then he said congratulations.  And he asked what my netid was so he could deposit the funds.  I said thank you, hung up the phone, and immediately got on knees, giving a prayer of thanks. I knocked the chair over.  And that was a day that changed my life.  Literally and dramatically.  Not because I was changed but because of what happened next. 

So yes, I would choose it again.  I would choose this summer again.  Not because every moment is good (or even most moments), but because it’s right.  And that delineation is important because it separates the good and the perfect from the right thing to do.  And there are many things that would be better than sitting in a dorm room with rap music blaring through the walls.  But very few things would be as right as sitting in a dorm room with rap music blaring through the walls