I realized that I am embarrassed to talk about how much I know about Taylor Swift because isn't this something that a 15 year old does? Reading articles about her music, her current life, and her process seems far below the acceptable intellectual standard that I am always trying to reach.
However, I realized that in a lot of ways, I'm embarrassed because why I love Taylor Swift isn't about her music or her current love life. Growing up, I danced to 'You Belong With Me' and I listened to her album, Red, for a solid few months in a row. I've been a fan for a while, but it's with this new album that I started doing my research into her life and her story.
I've realized that I was fascinated with the rise and fall and redemption story she has written. Even writing this out sounds stupid, but that's why I love Taylor Swift, in all honesty. Her debut single, 'Look What You Made Me Do' was met with criticism and praise from everywhere, but I recognized someone who had been in a corner and was lashing out at whoever. Her following singles showed a woman who wasn't afraid to be angry, to evolve, but also to be vulnerable.
Instead of begging Romeo to come to her, like she did in 'Love Story,' she hesitantly asks in, 'Call It What You Want', "I don't need you to save me, but would you run away with me?" When listening to that line, I understood that on a level I can't quite explain. I dislike the idea of being saved or rescued, by anyone other than my Savior, but the idea of someone who would willingly want to run away with me? Someone who would voluntarily join me? Yes, that is a level of vulnerability.
In 'Delicate', she explains over and over again, that with everything else going on in her life, she likes him. He's in her head. She tentatively tells him that she hopes it's ok he's in her head. How much more vulnerable can you get? She's saying, hey, I like you and I can't stop thinking about you, and I hope that's ok.
Before the summer of 2016, Taylor Swift had carefully curated a brand and an image that was nearly perfect. The few casual complaints anyone had weren't about her character, but more along the lines of she dated too much, wrote songs about her exes, and was too nice to be sincere. After feuding with several famous stars, breaking up with several men, and being accused of several things, she snapped and disappeared.
And to be honest, I get it. Her entire world, a world and a brand she had carefully curated, had been reduced to a 'he said, she said' argument in the tabloids. Whether the stories are true or not (probably somewhere in the middle), I don't really care. I'm more interested in what she produced after the fallout.
After her reputation was ruined, she no longer could hide behind perfectionism. She couldn't use it as a shield against people who would hurt her or criticize her. Instead, she reevaluated and decided to come back, a little wiser, a little more careful, and a little more hesitant to let everyone in.
I think reputation is my favorite album because she goes deeper. It isn't a love story anymore, it's a life story. And throughout it all, her lyrics have reminded me that being vulnerable is a process. Being perfect is exhausting and is never actually worth it.
And yes, to answer her question, going to her concert was everything I wanted.
xo. Elise
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