Trying

I've been thinking about a conversation I had with a friend over tostadas at Cafe Rio.  She had made the decision to go on a mission, and even though it wasn't the first thing she wanted to do, she had let God into her life in a way that I admire.  

I was thinking about the past four years.  I had things I wanted to accomplish and goals I wanted to achieve.  I graduated college accomplishing almost every one of those things, but I think I made it infinitely harder than I had to.  I pushed and shoved my plan and my way down everyone's throat, especially Heavenly Father.  Oh how I wanted heavenly help, but on my terms and my outcome.  I don't think the past four years would have turned out spectacularly different than they did, but I think they would have been a little easier.  I think that if I had just trusted in God, a lot of the stress would have melted away.  

I was sitting on dying grass today, avoiding the sprinklers, and looking at the dark leaves.  I just felt like I needed to let God in.  Actually let Him into my life, and not to be scared about it.  I am really not good at this--at all.  I would much rather bulldoze ahead with my plan and let Heavenly Father come along for the ride.  

But tonight I decided to try, really try, not just give half-hearted effort and be angry when I still feel uncomfortable.  

So here's to trying, even when this is about as outside my comfort zone you can get.  I have been ruminating on the quote, "One day you will look back and see that all along: you were blooming." Morgan Harper Nichols.

xo. Elise