Imposter

When you are a senior in college, starting your life semester at a successful undergraduate business school, September means the season of interrogation.

It means people ask a lot of questions.

How was your internship?  Where were you again? Do you want to go back?  Ok, are you recruiting for consulting?  What firms?  Who have you been in touch with?  Have you been doing practice cases?  Oh, so what other jobs are you looking into?  Do you want to stay in Utah?  What else are you doing with your life? Have you talked to this person?  Do you know this person?  Have you been networking?

All of this made my hyperventilate a little on my run today, which I don't recommend because you actually need all of the air you can for running.

I realized that I am worried this is it.  This is the transition in life where I will be found out.  I'm worried that because things have seem to have come easily that I'm not working as hard as everyone else.  I'm worried that I am actually lazy, and I've gotten lucky in the past few years.  I'm worried I'm not talking to everyone I should be and that I am wasting my prime years of my life being mostly confused about my purpose, even if it's a purpose for the next few years.

All of this ultimately comes down to the fact I'm scared this will be the transition in my life that will reveal to everyone that I'm actually a fraud.  That I don't really deserve the opportunities I've been given or the chances I've had.  I'm afraid that everyone will nod their heads in that knowing way, hm yep.  We knew that she didn't have it in her.

I'm so very tired of that imposter syndrome.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I would panic a little before every tournament.  And my captain would just quote Aristotle to me.  Excellence is not an act, but a habit.

And in the midst of feeling like a major fraud entering my fourth year at BYU, I'm trying to remember that lesson.

Excellence is not an act, but a habit.

xo. Elise