New Yellow Coat

It's strange to be here, in Spain and far away from everything.  And everyone.  In some ways, it's exciting.  We were walking around Madrid yesterday and it is breathtaking.  I didn't expect it to be as beautiful as it is.  It was surprising and heartening. 

As I navigated the trains and the metro, I couldn't help but feel that I've taken on the world.  You know?  I moved by myself across the country, went to NYC, traveled around the world, moved to a new country.  Yesterday, I honestly wondered what there could be left.  Not left to see in the world because there is so much of that, but more of I did it.  I've become capable and competent and a world traveler.  I didn't know that had been a secret goal of mine for so long, but here it is.  And I successfully did it. 

And then there are times where it is haaarrrdddd.  I have such fear about wasting this time.  About failing.  Wasting money.  Not being successful.  Oh wait, already said that. I feel pressure to learn Spanish.  Become fluent!  In my naive dreams, I had hopes for that, but I continually talk to people where I realize that probably won't happen.  Which is disheartening, and makes me panic.  Am I spending all of this money, missing the people I love, not being at BYU for one more semester to become half decent at a language I have no hope of learning?  Yes, this is what goes through my mind as I struggle to pronounce ordenador again. 

I walked to the store today for the express purpose to buy a yellow coat I saw yesterday in a clothing store.  I picked up cough drops and found the equivalent of the TJ Maxx sans clothes today.  I realized I was familiar with that routine to become comfortable.  Find a place to go back to, to shop, to buy something. 

In any case, me gusta mi nuevo amarillo capa.