1. I am big into traditions, and a couple of weeks ago I realized I didn't do half of my 'traditions'. I didn't get pumpkin waffles at Waffle Love, I didn't make banana bread on the first snowfall. I didn't eat my pomegranate yogurt on the last day of class. (Um, all of my traditions have to do with food?). I didn't hike the Y or have a General Conference breakfast party. All of these things I used to do, and I just didn't this year. But I made a lot of new traditions, like going to Cafe Rio or getting Costco hot dogs. I guess I learned that new definitions of yourself are important. And it was a good reminder to me to be a little bit more flexible in what could be considered fun.
2. I learned God is there. I sometimes feel like my testimony is constantly on this cycle of figuring this out, but this year I hit a new low. And I am not sure I can convey the state of emergency that I felt I was in. There are a couple days in particular, that I felt like I was at the edge. Part of me was screaming, look, I am in so much pain that I don't need to believe in a God who isn't there. When I write that, it seems dramatic and bizarre. But I love this story because God is there. He. Is. There. I am not always sure why or how or where or any of that, but I do know He is there. And I am so grateful for that.
3. I learned that answers to prayers, no, not prayers, that's not right. I learned that God's plan is really revealed one step at a time and that He can truly change our hearts. I have seen a change in my life, over this past semester and over this past year. And I am grateful for it. Because sometimes you think you are going to be stuck, tired and unsatisfied forever. But God is a God of change, that's what the Atonement and the Plan of Happiness is all about.
4. I realized that I am a really good friend. And a good celebrator. Honestly, this can be a hard thing, a lesson I learned this year. I have felt abandoned and left by people I had given my deepest trust. But I am also proud how I continue to celebrate people and continue to invest in those around me. My mom told me that I take after my Grandma--she was a big celebrator. And honestly? I will gladly carry that legacy, even if it is sometimes hurtful. And it makes me happy to continue to try to be like Christ and be a good friend. I think it is a worthy cause.
5. I realized that I am not super great at working in group projects. I always thought I was good at it? But I'm really not. And we are all relieved that I am done with this semester (with 4 group projects!). It was a good lesson though, and something I need to be aware of heading into my career.
6. God gives us what we pray for and sincerely hope for. He isn't petty, even though I sometimes try to figure out His plan through my petty and insecure head. It is worth hanging up the boxing gloves when dealing with Heavenly Father because He really knows what He is doing.
7. I really like learning, and I'm really happy I had such a positive experience at BYU. This is an important trait for me to learn because I need to be conscious of it going forward. I realized that even if work is incredibly boring, I can still learn from it. That is helpful to remember.
8. I learned it is incredibly rewarding to make decisions based on what is best for Elise. I am such an outsourcer and a researcher and an opinion-asker. This is helpful when buying shoes? But for my life decisions? I can make my own decisions, and I can do it confidently. For me, this has meant planning a trip, saying no to a relationship, choosing a study abroad, and accepting a full-time job offer. All of these decisions have caused a lot of stress and worry, but I am proud of the life I am creating.
9. I realized I have enough grit to crawl out of some pretty terrible months. I realized I have it in me to be happy again, and that is pretty cool to me. Being happy takes so much work, but I am proud of myself for working towards it, purposefully and often.
10. This world is beautiful and it is full of so much. New York City, Prince Edward Island, St. George, Palm Springs, Washington D.C., even West Chester. All of these places are out there full of good food and sunshine and that is just beautiful to me. It's out there to see, with different sunsets and late nights and weird smells and traffic and I love it.
10.5 I keep learning this, but good people keep coming, and some really great people, stay for the whole thing. I feel so in debt to the people who stuck with me, even though I was struggling. And I am so grateful to the people who let me in, even though I was still a little fragile and wildly unsure. And I just think that's beautiful too. Good people.
xo. Elise
No comments:
Post a Comment